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27 April 2009

The Pipes O' Bladnoch

Spent lees
Pot ale out

Pot ale in
Pot ale out

Intermediate spirit receiver
Cool wash into still, through heat exchange
Wash to heat exchanger
Warm wash into still after heat exchange

Pot ale from still
Pot ale out
Pot ale in
Pot ale out

Warmed wash to wash still
Pot ale through heat exchanger to effluent tanks
Pot ale from still
Pot ale out to effluent tanks

Words written on the pipes at Bladnoch whisky distillery in Scotland to identify their contents. Visited 23 April 2009. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

22 April 2009

We're Here For You

We’re here for you
24 hours a day,
365 days a year,
and not just for breakdowns.

Flat battery,
flat tyre,
locked your keys
in the car
- with your RAC membership
you’re covered for all of these
and more.

We aim
to find you fast
and solve your problem
quickly too.

We fix
almost 80%
of cars at the roadside
(excluding accidents
and extreme failures).

Once you’re on your way again
we can follow you
for a while
just to make sure everything’s okay.

If your car does
let you down
we won’t.

Extract from a customer welcome letter from the RAC, received 19 August 2008. Submitted by Marika Rose.

19 April 2009

Agoraphobia Bites

I started to feel like
something was pushing me
down into the ground and I just freaked out.

So I grabbed the bairns and
said we've got to go home.
I felt like everything was just closing

in on me I thought I
was dying. I heard the
bairns in the garden playing in the snow

and I got angry with myself
and I thought I'm missing out on them.

So I slowly sidled
to the edge of the bed,
crawled on my hands and knees to the window

and looked out all wide-eyed.
One of the bairns looked up
and waved and said 'there's mam' I said 'hi son'

and shot back into bed.

The reported speech of Sue Curtis, 40, in the BBC article Woman Leaves House After 20 Years. I'll come clean and admit that I removed two words ('just' and 'and') to make the line lengths right - count those syllables! Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

16 April 2009

Kamikaze Pigeon on the M5

I had it happen
To me by a blackbird, strange
Experience huh!

My friend Dave's comment on my Facebook status update on 06 April 2009. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

15 April 2009

Genius Bar None

Data transfer, no.
Data transfer detail, none.
Known liquid damage, no.

Cosmetic condition, unknown.
iLife version, unknown.
User-name, na. Password, na.

Issue, fraid cable.

From the Apple Genius Bar 'Work Authorisation and Service Confirmation' after they replaced my melted power lead on 7 April 09. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

09 April 2009

The Love Song of I. Buprofen

If you suffer from any of the following
at any time during your treatment
stop taking the medicine and seek
immediate medical help:

Pass blood in your faeces.
Pass black tarry stools.
Vomit any blood or dark particles
that look like coffee grounds.
Develop a stiff neck, headache, nausea,
vomiting, fever and disorientation.

Stop taking the medicine and
tell your doctor if you experience:

Indigestion or heartburn.
Abdominal pains (pains in your stomach)
or other abnormal stomach symptoms.
Asthma, shortness of breath, skin rash,
itching or swelling of the face and tongue.

Fever, sore throat, mouth ulcers,
flu-like symptoms, severe exhaustion,
unexplained bleeding or bruising.

Other side effects that some patients
have had with ibuprofen include:

Stomach discomfort,
flatulence (wind),
headache, dizziness,
vertigo, tinnitus

(ringing in the ears),

fluid retention,
high blood pressure,
visual disturbances,
feeling unwell,
tiredness and drowsiness,
sleeping problems,
nervousness, numbness
and tingling,

confusion, hallucinations and depression,
swelling of the feet and occasionally
blistering or flaking of the skin.

It has been known for Ibuprofen
to cause gastro-intestinal disturbances
such as abdominal pain, nausea,
vomiting or ulcers. Ibuprofen
can make colitis and Crohn's disease worse.

Very rarely,
blood in the urine,
kidney damage or
even failure,
liver damage
(including jaundice,
with yellowing of
the skin or eyes),
blood disorders or
to light may occur.

Some patients with
auto-immune disorders
(such as lupus)
have experienced a
kind of meningitis
of the brain) with
symptoms such as
stiff neck, headache,
nausea, vomiting,
fever or disorientation.

If you experience any other
unusual or unexpected symptoms
which persist or are troublesome,
consult your doctor or pharmacist.

If you experience
dizziness, drowsiness,
tiredness or problems with vision,
do not drive or
operate machinery.

Medicines such as Ibuprofen
tablets may be associated with
a small risk of heart attack
("myocardial infarction")

or stroke.

This is the 'While Taking Your Medicine' section of the Patient Information Leaflet for Ibuprofen Tablets BP 200mg, bought from the Co-op last week. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

07 April 2009

Spray It Like a Fundamentalist

Fresh action three:
Twenty-four hour
active absorbent complex,
anti-traces blanches.

Text from the front of some Adidas deodorant purchased today. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

06 April 2009


I spoke2Safia,
She was well up4it,
But timings r gonna b tricky.
The kids go2bed@10/11!

She said
She could
Change their bedtime4our class,
I don't think that's practical!

The kids r away
@their dads4most
of the w/end...
We could change
Times@the w/end
Coz she's flexible.

What do u think?

By Liz. A text from a friend, received 1 April 2009.

02 April 2009

Bodum Ipsum

Read instructions before use. Children
and hot fluids should be kept apart.

Fluids must be handled with care.
Always use coarse ground coffee.

Always stir before pressing down,
using a plastic or wooden spoon,

not metal. Before pressing down, ensure
that safety lid is in the correct position.

Press down very gently.

From Andrew. The instructions off the side of a Bodum cafetière, 2008.