Recent Posts

31 March 2009

Tea-hee


Founded in 188-
6, we
are an independent family
business, dedicated to the pleasures of good tea
and coffee.

In every
cup of our tea
you can taste the skill, creativity
and craftsmanship of our tea
blenders. We
visit tea
estates personally
to select only
the finest sea-
sonal hand-plucked teas.

By investing in long term partnerships and paying fair prices, we
are able to make a positive difference to the quality
of our teas

and the lives of the growers.



From the packaging of Taylors of Harrogate Delicate Green Tea. Seen 27 March 2009. Submitted by Marika Rose.

30 March 2009

Spam #2


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One from the archives: text from a spam email saved from 2004. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

27 March 2009

Please Secure Catches


Please secure catches
and latches
and barrel bolts,
fitted to doors,
and windows
(especially at night).





From Andrew, 'from an Indian sleeper railway carriage my family took once.' Seen in 1993.

Burnt Sugar


Like Aphrodite emerging
from the foaming ocean,

this caramel treat is the
grown-ups-only love-god
of our crumbly fudge-pantheon.

More simply: a sprinkle
of sea salt accentuates
the caramel-iness of
caramel and
results in loveliness.

Naturally naughty, melt-in-the-mouth-y,
born from copper pans and roaring flames.



From the packaging of some Burnt Sugar sea-salt fudge. Seen 25 March. Submitted by Marika Rose. 2009

26 March 2009

Subject: hi hi


i wonder if this will get to you, just
finished a 10am supervision and
did no work yet God gave me all this
clever stuff to say, me likes when
dat happens, it was on pidgins and creoles,
he he ... prayer meet was good

for me when it is a hard prayer meeting
i enjoy it even more cos i just
say no way devil we are gonna pray v you
agagagagaggagagga my
latest idea stroke revelation is
that i wanna march round the market square

i have no real evidence why but i
think He has told me to do it, there was
an attack on a lesbian there and there
are normally a few fights in that area that is
probably not the worst area of town but that
does not mean it should not be done

.... hmm ask God and tell me what you fink

the ball is tonight with chocolate yummie,
last night was great i spoke on nehemiah
and said everything i needed to, i like
teaching it is cool and the word will now
produce the fruit and vision intended ...
yeah yeah! These prayer meetings are so organic

and we are being taught how to do it
regularly I like to see things grow
and develop ... we had brekky at King's,
when are you free cos i wanna spend time
with you outside meetings?
how is your ikea house going?

i will pop in today and see it maybe

love you




An email sent from a student friend in 2001. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

23 March 2009

Who Would Be Your Ideal Woman?


My wife (Eva, a model) first –
I am very happy with her.
But second?
I used to love Sharon Stone but
now she is a little bit old.
I like Danielle Lloyd – yes really!
She is nice; I don’t dream about her though,
I just think she is nice!
I am happy with my wife though!




One of the answers from an interview with the Senegalese defender Habib Beye in the Newcastle v Arsenal official matchday programme 21 March 2009. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Ode to Tresemmé


Aqua (water), cetearyl alcohol,
cyclopentasiloxane, stearamido-
propyl dimethylamine, cyclohexa-
siloxane, dimethicone, chamomilla

recutita (matracaria) flower extract,

aspartic acid, quaternium-eighteen,
hydrolyzed keratin, ascorbic acid,
panthenol, tocopheryl acetate,
biotin, niacinamide,
aminopropyl dimethicone, peg-two

dimeadowfoamamidoethylmonium,

methosulfate, caramel,
isostearamidopropylethyldimonium
ethosulfate, peg-nine, glucose, lactic
acid, bisabolol, butylene glycol,
polysorbate twenty, ethoxdiglycol,
propylene glycol, hexylene glycol,
disodium eota, citric acid,

methylisothiazolinone,
methylcloroisothiazolinone,
DMDM hydantoin,
imidazolidinyl urea,

amyl cinnamal, limonene,
linalool, parfum (fragrance),
CI one five nine eight five
(yellow six).




The full ingredients list off the back of a Tresemmé conditioner bottle. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

19 March 2009

Modern Life


Scientific researches determined
that
the main reason of family conflicts
is
hidden in the sex relations.

Modern life doesn't leave energy till night,
so
bigger part of male population
can't
satisfy their wives.

But you




An entire email spam message I once received. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

The Colour of Pain


FOOTB NUFC:
Barclays Premier League:
Newcastle 1
Man Utd 2
(Dimitar Berbatov 55)
Go to Orange World




A text received 4 March 2009. Sadly. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Munch Love


Hi Lisa, I hope you became my E-mail
in December. How are you? I'm good.
My work is very bissy and not to easy.
The old people there are doing crasy thinks,
I have munch work and I need munch time
for the old people. But not every day
is the same, a little bit I like my shop.

At the moment, we have a 90 years old
lady in ouer home, and she is so sweet
and friendly, I like her so munch. She is full
of Love with Jesus, sometimes I go to her
and we talk over Jesus, over her
interesting life its so nice. She pray for me
and for the old people in ouer home.
She is lovly.

Mario and me, we are happy.
Its good to see him daily, it isnt boring
with him and we get along well.
I seed your a picture of Mario and me.
Can you send Helen a lot of since
and also Gabriel and Esme and little
Harry. And can ask Helen have she became
my cake to Christmas Thanks. I hope I hear
from you.




This email to Lisa came from a German girl who we got to know in 2004. She came over to the UK for a few weeks, to improve her English. She sent the email on her return to Germany. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

First, Born


Hi Esme it's Jules here.
I just got off the ward for five minutes
to give a few people a ring and get some
fresh air 'cause it's really horrible stale
smelly milk breath in that ward and um

everything's okay really but in another way
it's not 'cause Chloe's not feeding well at all
and it's probably my knockers or something
I don't know but if you could pray because she's
hungry and she's mad and she's really mad
and she's nice as well I think you might quite like her

but she is a bit of a hairy old munter
so bring some scissors and we can do some
girl's world stuff on her if you want
and um but I don't know how long
I'm going to be here but I'll speak to you soon,
bye.




Jules was the first of our closer friends to have a baby. She left this breathless message on my wife's phone 8 April 2002, shortly after giving birth. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.