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31 December 2009

The Storee of The Soc pupiTs


5.12.09

Along time ago
There livd a soc pupit
and he lovd chocolate.

But wen he open The cubud
There was no chocolate.

Sow The soc pupit went To The shops
But in The shops
They had rund out.

sow the Soc pupit went bac home
wiv no chocolate.

he lookt on the Top shelf
and he sor a chocolate Bar.

The End



I commissioned my 6-year-old to write and illustrate a story for my birthday. This is what he came up with. Can anyone spot his theme? Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

30 December 2009

Copenhagen


and as i wrote the previous entry
my battery goes dead and obama walks past
with a very grim expression, everyone
thought he was storming out but no
he'd just been in talks with the chinese.
just now a french delegate tells me that
brazil has stormed out of the talks.
this is all so sad. still peace and goodwill
to all men. love and understanding.
just no more business as usual ok??
this is all starting to really feel like
some enormous vaguely pointless corporate expo.



Thom Yorke on the Radiohead blog, 18 December 2009, reporting from the UN Climate Change Conference. Punctuation as found. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

17 December 2009

Looking back


Ten years ago. Stock takers; thieves in Hexham
resorted to extreme measures to avoid
punishment, by stealing a set of stocks
and a pillory from outside the Old Gaol.

Fifty years ago.
Head case; A thief stole the
shrunken head of a South American Indian
from a wall of the Fox and Hounds in
Whitley Chapel, where Fred Gazzani was landlord.

Seventy-five years ago.
In the dark;
Defying the wishes of the parish
and county councils, a packed meeting of
one hundred and fifty seven parishioners
voted against a scheme to install
electric lighting in Allendale.

One hundred and twenty-five years ago.
Carte blanche; Hexham labourer George Wilson
was fined five shillings for not having a name
on a cart he was using on the highway.



One from earlier this year. From the 'Looking Back' column in the Hexham Courant, Friday 29 May 2009. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

13 December 2009

I want to


I want to die.
I want to break free lyrics. I want
to be anorexic.

I want to break free.
I want to be skinny; I want
to be a model.

I want to be thin.
I want to lose weight; I want
to know what love is

lyrics. I want
to get pregnant.



These are the Google automatic suggestions for the search term 'I want to', noted back in September, when we published Autosuggestion. This time, the lines have been reset. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

09 December 2009

Narrator in Nativity


It's
not
unusual …



This morning I attended the school Christmas play involving two of our sons. Our 6-year-old had a speaking part, and made us wait until the performance to find out what his line was. That was it. He delivered it splendidly. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

03 December 2009

Nonstop


Danger
No Trespassing
Staff Only

Shenfield
One Two
Shenfield

Question mark
Romford

Shenfield
One Two
Shenfield

Welcome to Shenfield



By Andrew. These are the signs across Shenfield station seen from a moving train. This completes his train trilogy.

01 December 2009

What happened was this, doctor


We strongly recommend
you do not leave the camera
in your pants pocket
when you sit down
or forcefully insert it
into a full or tight bag.

Damage to the LCD monitor
or personal injury may result.




This safety warning came with a Panasonic Lumix DMC-FX37 digital camera. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.