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27 May 2010

Spectrum


Blue with a hint of your mother.
Unsure-whether-boy-or-girl baby room color.
What I'm sure was once nice wallpaper
before you stained it with your nicotine.

Red as the cute boy to my right's hoodie.
My dentist's office orange. I still remember
his dandruff slowly wafting into my gaping jaw.
Jesus Christ, what is with you and green?

Shark invested water blue. Sorry for
spazzing earlier, I had a seizure. Dark red.
Now I'm just getting freaked out.
Nothing looks like a proper color any more.

Maybe a half hour before the first stars start
showing up in the night sky … that awful color,
that forever remains a reminder that grandma
needs to be cut off after the third glass.

It's pink, but not totally pink,
but it's purple, but not totally purple.
We are a collaborative ice-cream cone.
The best color in the freakin' world.



Respondents' comments as they were asked to identify colours in an online survey, 5th March 2010. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

25 May 2010

Elegy from an Opposition


For every child who instead of being cooped up in a small flat
is playing in a brand new children’s centre
- that is Gordon’s legacy.

For every patient who is treated in a brand new hospital,
instead of suffering on a waiting list
- that is Gordon’s legacy.

And for every person in an African village
whose life has been transformed by the cancellation of world debt
- that is Gordon’s legacy
- and it is our legacy too.

We can be proud of what Gordon has done
and thank him from the bottom of our hearts.


From a Labour party email, 12th May 2010. Submitted by Marika Rose.

18 May 2010

In the Beginning


On days one to two: Wees –
two or more per day; Poos –
one or more per day;
Poo at this stage is called meconium
or mec for short. It's very dark
brown green black and sticky
and it's already in the bowel
at the time of birth.

On days three to four: Wees –
three or more per day; The
amount of wee increases,
and the nappies feel heavier than before.
Poos – two or more per day;
The colour changes and looks more green.
These poos are called 'changing stools'
and they change because your baby
is taking in more milk and digesting it.

On days five to six: Wees –
five or more heavy nappies per day;
(see what heavy means overleaf).
Poos – At least two soft, yellow poos
per day; They're yellow, because there is
no more mec in the bowel.

Day seven onwards: Wees –
six or more heavy nappies per day;
Poos – at least two soft, yellow poos
per day; greater than the size of a two pound coin
– not just skid marks. You might notice
little seedy particles in it – that's fine.




Taken from the National Childbirth Trust notes 'What's in a nappy', attached to the cots in the delivery unit at Addenbrooke's Hospital. 16 May 2010. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

15 May 2010

A silent fall of immense snow


He moved

forward a few

fine chattering gems.

He knew exactly who would

now sneeze calmly through an open
door. Had there been another year


of peace the battalion would have made
a floating system of perpetual drainage.


A silent fall of immense snow came near oily
remains of the purple-blue supper on the table.


We drove on in our old sunless walnut. Presently
classical eggs ticked in the new afternoon shadows.


We were instructed by my cousin Jasper not to exercise by country
house visiting unless accompanied by thirteen geese or gangsters.


The modern American did not prevail over the pair of redundant bronze puppies.
The worn-out principle is a bad omen which I am never glad to ransom on purpose.




By Jim. This is a Snellen chart (used to test eyesight) taken from the Oxford Handbook of Clinical Specialties, 2007.

11 May 2010

Seriously


Please, I need help.
I’ve had marital problems
- Honey, I think it’s time that we start talking about a divorce.
Larry, we’re gonna be fine.
...professional, you name it
- Larry, we’ve received a number of letters denigrating you
and, er, urging us not to grant you tenure
I need help
We’re gonna be fine.
I’ve tried to be a serious man
We’re gonna be fine.
I’ve tried to do right, be a member of the community
We’re gonna be fine.
Please, just tell him I need help, please?
We’re gonna be fine.
I need help.
We’re gonna be fine.

The rabbi is busy.
He didn’t look busy.
He’s thinking.




From the trailer for A Serious Man, 11th May 2010. Submitted by Marika Rose.

10 May 2010

Ecce homo


This is the man.
What does the man think of grey and white?
The man likes grey and white, of course.
"Man should be brave."
Ah oui. And what does he think of blue?
It's perfect.



From the windows of a French Connection shop in Leeds, 9th May 2010. Submitted by Marika Rose.

06 May 2010

Election Day Warning


Warning to voters
You will commit
A serious offence
(personation)*
if you:

Vote in person
or by post as
some other person,
whether as an elector
or as proxy,
and whether that other person is living or dead
or is a fictitious person.

Vote in person
or by post as
proxy - for a person you know
or you have reasonable grounds for
supposing to be dead
or a fictitious person;
or when you know
or have reasonable grounds for supposing
that your appointment as proxy
is no longer in force.

*Unless you are acting
as someone's formally appointed proxy.

You are guilty of
an offence
if you:

Vote in person
or by post, whether as an elector or as proxy
or apply to vote by proxy
or by post as elector,
knowing that you are subject
to a legal incapacity to vote at the election.

Apply for the appointment of a proxy to vote
for you at an election knowing that you
or the person to be appointed is subject
to a legal incapacity to vote at the election.

Vote, whether in person
or by post, as proxy
for some other person at an election,
knowing that person is subject
to a legal incapacity to vote.

Vote more than once** whether by post
or in person, or as proxy
and in the same electoral area.

*Unless you are acting
as someone's formally appointed proxy,
or unless two or more elections are
being held together and
you are entitled to a vote in each.

You will commit
a serious offence
You could face imprisonment or
a fine if found guilty.



From a polling station poster in Langley Moor, 6th May 2010. Submitted by Marika Rose.

04 May 2010

This house


Council is example of bureaucracy gone mad
Council devoid of common sense
Different rules for different folk
Planners are sterile bureaucratic vandals.

Gateshead planners are philistines
Gateshead planners think 400 votes count for nothing
Thank you -
Not surprising to have more local support than elected councillors.

The buffoons
Can't see
Won't listen
Don't speak

Your local councillors
Who do they think they work for
Council's abuse of powers lamentable
Council are not even handed
Councillors are devoid of grey matter.

Wrong use of power
Planners cannot loose face
Surprise surprise this lot want our votes

This house is detrimental to the area.



From signs plastered all over the windows of a house in Gateshead, 4th May 2010. Submitted by Marika Rose.