Recent Posts

29 September 2011

Mine Host


No thieves, fakirs, rogues or tinkers
No skulking loafers or flea-bitten tramps
No slap an' tickle o' the wenches
No banging o' tankards on the tables
No dogs allowed in the kitchen
No cockfighting

Fintlocks, cudgels, daggers and swords
to be handed to
the innkeeper for safe-keeping.




A poster spotted in a pub in Berwick upon Tweed, 25th August 2011. Submitted by Marika Rose.

27 September 2011

Faster than the speed of light


It is something
nobody
was expecting.

The constancy
of the speed of light
essentially underpins
our understanding
of space and time and
causality,
which is the fact that
cause
comes
before
effect.

Cause cannot come
after effect
and that is absolutely fundamental
to our construction of
the physical universe.

If we do not have
causality,
we are
buggered.




The words of Subir Sarkar, head of particle theory at Oxford University, in the news article Faster than light particles found, claim scientists. Submitted by Ailsa Holland.

22 September 2011

Model Code

Flick yer bean
For Agyness Deyn
Give us a blow
Daisy Lowe

Wham bam
Thank you Stam
My flies are undone
Lily Donaldson

I'm a tosser
For Coco Rocha
Fancy a screw
Behati Prinsloo

Do me daily
Christoper Bailey
Cause me pain
Hedi Slimane

Uhu
Gareth Pugh
My legs are crossed
Georgia Frost

Grab my weiner
Iekeliene
Give us a backhander
Rachel Alexander

Let's play naked Twister
Linda Evangelista
You would if you could
Cindy Crawford

I'll show you who's boss
Kate Moss
I've got more than a handful
For Naomi Campbell

Who needs a husband?
I've got House of Holland




T-shirt slogans from House of Holland's AW07 collection (under Catwalk>AW07 on the site). Submitted by Marika Rose.

20 September 2011

Bunny Mother


1

Bunnies are not permitted
to chew gum or eat while on duty.
Bunnies are not permitted
to drink alcoholic beverages
in the Club at any time.
Bunnies are not permitted
to drink soft drinks, lemonade
or even water in view of keyholders
and guests, but may drink these
nonalcoholic beverages behind the scenes.

Fifty dollars is paid to the finder
for the first Bunny she has referred.
The referred Bunny must be employed
for ninety calendar days.

Seventy-five dollars is paid to the finder
for the second Bunny she has referred …
Referred Bunny must be employed
for ninety calendar days.

One hundred dollars is paid to the finder
for the third Bunny she has referred …
Referred Bunny must be employed
for ninety calendar days.

Bunnies will keep the dressing room clean
and neat at all times.

2

General Manager, he's head man of your hutch.
Bunny Mother, she'll hire and train you,
coordinate your hours and supervise your work.

Overstaying break
(for each minute over limit),
one demerit (per minute).

Five to ten minutes, five demerits.
Eleven to fifteen minutes, six demerits.
Sixteen to twenty minutes, seven demerits.

Improper Appearance, such as:
unkept hair, improper makeup
(including too pale lipstick),
improper costume, unmatched
or shabby shoes, dirty
or unpolished fingernails,
five demerits.

Bunny ears not worn in center of head,
bent incorrectly, reporting without nameplate,
penlight, lighter or cash for cigarettes,
bikini panties showing or not worn,
unkept tail,
five demerits.

Bad Service, Improper Procedure, such as:
Not doing Bunny Dip,
not keeping tables clean,
not changing ashtrays,
five demerits.

Improper Conduct, such as:
Drinking any liquid in view of patrons,
chewing gum or eating in view of patrons,
infingement of smoking rules,
ten demerits.

Failure to attend Bunny Meeting,
twenty-five demerits.

The accumulation of thirty-five demerits
results in a personal interview
with the Bunny Mother.

3

Do arrive on time and look
your loveliest with your hair styled,
your nails freshly manicured
and your Bunny costume clean.

Do smile and be personable
to all those with whom you come into contact
during a promotional appearance.

Do stay in the company of a mixed
group, a couple or chaperone at all times.

Don't date the sponsor
of a promotion or someone
you meet at this promotion
while you are at a given promotion
for the specific promotional assignment.

Don't allow yourself to be
in a situation where complications arise.

Although we do not in any way try
to control your behaviour away from the club,
you must always conduct yourself
in a manner that can only bring credit
to your job and the other Bunnies
with whom you work.

(twist, watusi, bugaloo, etc
are examples of acceptable dances)


If you are doing a good job,
obeying the rules and giving
the gracious good service you are taught,
you need not concern yourself
about the fact that you are
from time to time shopped
by a shopping service representative.

Insubordination, fifteen demerits.

4

IN ALL CASES WHEN A BUNNY IS SMOKING
SHE IS TO TAKE A PUFF AND SET
THE CIGARETTE IN AN ASHTRAY.
BUNNIES ARE NOT TO STAND OR SIT
HOLDING A CIGARETTE.

5

Good grooming starts with a daily bath
and good deodorant.

It is up to each Bunny to make sure
that a situation never occurs when
she does not have a clean, well fitting costume
including matching ears and shoes, clean
and fluffy cottontail, immaculate cuffs and collar,
proper hose, regulation undergarments,
Playboy cuff links, nameplate and bow tie.

Wigs and hair-pieces
can be a Bunny's best friend.

Keep in mind that our dimly lit rooms require
evening, glamour makeup for maximum flattery.
Skillful eye makeup includes the use
of shadow, liner and false lashes;
lipstick must be bright, vivid and highlighted
by lip-gloss to avoid a washed-out look.

Hose should be rinsed in cold water
and refrigerated before wearing
for extra service. To relieve tired feet,
soak them in a solution of epsom salt
and warm water for one half hour,
then elevate feet. Massage your legs
with an upward motion from ankles to thighs.
Try rolling your feet over an empty coke bottle.
Arch your back during costume fitting
for best possible fit.

The Bunny Mother has an open-door policy
and is always happy to talk with you.




Taken from The Playboy Club Bunny Manual, 1968. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

15 September 2011

He loves me?



BOY:
That’s what I’ll do!
This’ll really cheer you up!
I’ll clip a clothes peg
to your tail!
And put rubber bands
around your ears!

DOG (looking up with sad eyes):
I’d rather be hurt
by you than loved
by anyone else.




A blog post on Faith and Theology, 4th September 2011. Submitted by Marika Rose.

13 September 2011

My Name Is


Hugh
Blue,
president. Jesse
Lesse,
Boston. Merry
Berry,
Chicago. Max
Wax,
Chicago. Della
Stella
Serritella,
Chicago. Hollie
Jolley,
San Bernardino.

Jane
Cane,
Wheaton.
Newton
Hooton,
Cambridge. Dick
Vick
and his son Dick
Junior, San Diego.
Kenny
Tenny
and his daughter Penny,
San Francisco.




Some of the members of the My-Name-Is-A-Poem Club, founded by journalist EV Durling in the 1940s. Found on Futility Closet. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

08 September 2011

Ullapool


Here
I am on the seafront in Brighton, in 1994.
I have just told my best friend that
we shouldn't go out with each other.
'We were meant to be just friends,'
I am saying.
I have read about love in novels and am sure
I know all about it. This is one of the cleverest things
I have ever done.
I am 18.
I exhale my cigarette, like a grown-up. Here
I am four years later, on the same stretch of seafront
with the same friend.
We are on a bench. My head is in his lap.
We are talking about what to call
our baby in my belly. My wedding dress is in a bag at
our feet.
We get married in three days. Since
we were last here,
I have learnt that
I knew nothing at the age of 18.
I know now that love can be a quiet, sure thing
– like the first April sun on
your arms – and not the pyroclastic blast
I was waiting for. In 19 hours,
we will find out that the baby
is dead. The grief that is coming for
us has five blades on each hand: it will fall on
us like a blizzard, and leave
us on the floor.
We will weep on
our honeymoon in Ullapool – so lost
I could not tell you if it did rain at all,
that time. At the time,
I thought the deep-sea pressure of sorrow was
so great, it would crush
my heart smaller, for ever.
I was sure I knew everything about it.




Taken from Caitlin Moran's column for the Saturday Times on 20th August, 2011. Submitted by Marika Rose.

01 September 2011

If this is love


Back when I was five, I used to stick yellow Hula
Hoops on my fingers and pretend to be engaged. Tiny
hands all salty, our big maroon-grey rescue Mastiff
– a girl, like me – licked them clean. Bundled in duffel
coats and balaclavas we’d meet Dad at Seal Sands
after work, watch the black-footed Little Stints wade
in the froth by the pipeline.

Dad had a stroke in the year that Lady had her first
litter. The nurse taught me to inject Lovenox (“if this is
love,” we’d grimace) straight into his stomach. He
was so angry, that’s what kept him with us so long.

But last year, we threw Dad’s ashes on the Estuary,
and skimmed stones after him.

I love walking by water, talking to him.

In pink jeans, walking Lady’s daughter (all grey now)
by the chilly inlet off Scotts Road, I catch a sapphire
sparkle – steel hoops and a furled wire net – “Planet’s
Biggest Public Art Project”, the Gazette said. Far
across the water, in silhouette, one giant loop is a
half-inch circlet. My ring finger fits right inside it.




Gallery texts written to accompany an exhibition by Annie O'Donnell, taken from a conversation with Becky Hunter. Submitted by Marika Rose.