Recent Posts

31 January 2012

Five People Liked His Status


I swear,
to everything I got,
I’ll defend my baby
till the end.

If a short,
little motherfucker
wants to
try and threatened
her for saying
something
to a freeloading skank,
who calls her mom
a bitch,
then I got a problem
with him.

Or else what
motherfucker?
Threaten her again
and I’ll show you.




From a Facebook status last year. Submitted by B.J. Jones.

26 January 2012

Open Grave in a Public Place


Grip the fork in your right hand
with as much strength as possible.

With your left hand use sharp
downward blows in a circular motion.

If you are uncertain,
lift up the palm of your hand
as shown in the diagram

WARNING
Quick questions
Will guarantee
A serious bodily injury




Fitting instructions for a quick release Shimano bicycle wheel. Submitted by Winston Plowes.

24 January 2012

On the surface


Greed probably undid her in the end.
She was said to have taken a bait of uncooked tiger nuts,
which swelled inside her until she floated upwards.
Telltale empty paper bags were found on the bank of the river.
Or she may have been pregnant,

with 300,000 eggs causing complications, or stressed
after so much catching and releasing,
those constant brushes with extinction.

On the line between life and death, at Kingfisher Lake,
she breathed the fatal air and did not sink again.
And there she lay,
like Wisdom drawn up from the deep:
as golden, and as quiet.




From the Economist, the obituary of Benson, England's best loved fish. Submitted by Mat Riches.

19 January 2012

The Great Money Engine of State


(after Macaulay)

All who could help or hurt at Court,
ministers, mistresses, priests, were
kept in good humour by presents
of shawls and silks, birds’ nests and
attar of roses, bulses of diamonds,
bags of guineas.




Lord Macaulay, as quoted in an article in the Economist about the East India Company, 17th December 2011. Submitted by Rishi Dastidar.

17 January 2012

Post-Painterly Abstraction


for Helen Frankenthaler

She departed from the romantic search
for the sublime to pursue her own path,
pouring turpentine-thinned paint
in watery washes onto raw canvas
so that it soaked into the fabric weave
becoming one with it.

Her method emphasized flat surface
over illusory depth and the nature of paint,
releasing color from the gestural approach
and romantic rhetoric of Abstract Expressionism,
landscapes looking to many like a large paint rag
casually accidental and incomplete.




From the biography of Helen Frankenthaler in the New York Times. Phrases have been picked from the article and put together, in order, instead of one whole excerpt. Submitted by Jenni B. Baker.

11 January 2012

Petrifaction


This happens to bone marrow
in the hollow
bird-y
dinosaur bones,
it’s very pretty.
it’ll seem like a solid
black fossil but
if you accidentally
break
it
you see it looks
like it’s filled with crystals




Taken from a comment on a blog post about petrification, written on the 21st December 2011. Submitted by Haley Patail.

10 January 2012

You can say I am a hater


You can say I am a hater
but I would argue I'm a lover
I'm a lover of traditional families
and of the right of children
to have a father and a mother

I believe the earth gets warmer
and I also believe the earth gets cooler

is anyone saying same-sex couples
can't love each other?
I love my children
I love my friends, my brother
heck, I even love my mother-in-law





Quotes by Rick Santorum, candidate for Republican nomination in the US Presidential elections 2012. Specifically, quotes as they appear in Rick Santorum Quotes As New Yorker Cartoons posted by Jack Shepherd. Punctuation has been stripped out and the 'I'm' of line one turned back to two words for the irresistible rhythm. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

05 January 2012

Father Rabbit


He;
Is disciplined and discerning
irons his pillowcases and tucks his sheets in
with hospital corners
prefers the cold side of the pillow
suggests if you are going to do it, do it
properly or not at all
prefers you finish what you started
likes his crème brulee unadulterated and his
pancakes thin
is meticulous in his laundry, preferring freshly
washed and smelling of lavender
uses a top sheet




Taken from the website of Father Rabbit Ltd. Submitted by Marika Rose.

03 January 2012

The Differences Between Dogs and Cats


The most obvious external differences
are visible in the head.
Dogs have wider and shorter heads
and a more U-shaped
than V-shaped snout.
For hard-to-distinguish specimens,
the protruding tooth is the most reliable feature
to define a species.

Dogs lack the jagged fringe which appears
on the hind legs and feet of the cat,
and the toes of the hind feet are webbed
not more than halfway to the tips.
Dogs strongly prefer freshwater,
and cats can better tolerate seawater
because of specialized glands for filtering out salt.

Dogs also tend to be darker in color than cats
often nearly black
but color is very dependent on water quality.
Algae-laden waters produce greener skin,
and tannic acid from overhanging trees
can often produce darker skin.

When cleaning dog pools,
some zookeepers can tread on dogs
without eliciting a response,
though cats almost invariably react aggressively
and are for the most part
more aggressive in their natural habitat.




From a Groupon offer page. Submitted by Patty Kay Mooney.