Recent Posts

31 October 2013

Ghost Moose


Some people call them “ghost moose.”
A team on call rushes to the scene by car or helicopter.
So may wolves in Minnesota and the West.

Something’s changed.
That can lead to exhaustion and death.
And no one is sure why.

“If the heart stops beating,
it sends a text message to our phone that says,
‘I’m dead at x and y coordinates,’ ”
said Dr. Butler.

And moose contribute to the economy.
In Smithers, British Columbia, in April,
a moose wandered into the flower section of a Safeway market.

The next few months may provide insight.
“It’s up to the public,” said Ms. Rines, the biologist.
“We could kill more if we want healthy moose.”




Lines selected from Moose Die-Off Alarms Scientists, The New York Times, 14 October 2013. Submitted by Howie Good.

28 October 2013

Anonymous Caller


You you you
and and and and
and you can
in in in
in in in in
in in in in in.




A voicemail recording sent to a work computer and translated from a series of caller busy beeps into words by Microsoft Speech Technology, 21st October 2013. Submitted by Ross McCleary.

25 October 2013

Coffee


Coffee
A beverage consisting of
A decoction or infusion of
The roasted ground or crushed seeds of
The two-seeded fruit of
Certain coffee trees
The seeds
Or fruit
Themselves any tropical tree or shrub of
The genus Coffea of
The madder family
Especially
C. arabica
And
C.canephora
Cultivated commercially
Compare Arabian Coffee
Robusta Coffee
A cup of coffee
We ordered four coffees and
Three doughnuts
A social gathering
at which coffee and
Other refreshments
Are served




The definition of coffee at Dictionary.com. Submitted by Christian Smith.

23 October 2013

Most unusual


It was the most unusual inquest
since the Tory MP met his maker
trussed up like a boil-in-a-bag duck à l’orange –
with a noose round his neck
a bin-liner over his head
and a satsuma
stuffed in his mouth.




From So that’s why they’re called the Funny People, Mail Online, 3 May 2012. Submitted by Tim Benjamin.

21 October 2013

News of the day


Shutdown ends
default dodged

Dodgers refuse
to go quietly




The front page and sports page headlines from the Times Herald-Record, 17th October 2013. Submitted by J R Solonche.

20 October 2013

Picasso's cats


I don't like those high-class cats that purr
on the couch in the parlor.
I adore cats that have turned wild,
their hair standing on end.

They hunt birds, prowl,
roam the streets like demons.
They cast their wild eyes at you,
ready to pounce on your face.

Have you noticed that female cats in the wild
are always pregnant?
Obviously, they think of
nothing but love.




From Conversations With Picasso, Brassai (University of Chicago Press, 1999). Submitted by Amy Schreibman Walter.

17 October 2013

Found confessions


my husband tiptoes
through life

afraid someone
might ask him
to leave

*

i fix my lover's typos,
grammar mistakes
before i send his emails

to my friends
to read

*

this summer
i will teach my children
a few tricks
on the trampoline

in hopes that they
will run away
and join the circus

*

my wedding song
was meant to be
Take My Breath Away
but we didn't play it
because
he wasn't
the one

*

at my fortieth
when i blew out the candles
a room of people
watched me
silently wish
for my husband
to die

*

i like my dog
way more than
i like my cat

i should probably
never have kids

*

i cry in my office
sometimes
when my colleagues
go out to lunch
and don't invite me

*

he calls himself
my boyfriend

i call him
my current boyfriend

*

i root for the hurricanes

*

every time
my boyfriend tries
to pronounce french words
i think
he is the reason
why the french hate us

*

i wear frumpy pajamas to bed
so he won't get any ideas

i wear short skirts to work
so somebody else will

*

i am
a
path

ological
liar

*




Confessions posted online at CAVE canum.. Submitted by Michael Haeflinger.

14 October 2013

The Heart Doctor


I enjoy my life
I enjoy my children now
particularly they’re grown up and
not squawking
I love being with them all
perhaps not at the same time

I’m fairly hopeless grandmother
I like them when they grow up
You don’t leave small children with me!
I’d always got, as my oldest son said, ‘staff’
someone who looked after their nonsenses

I don’t like this repetitive
‘Please do this’
‘Please don’t be rude’
I can’t be dealing with all that!
Actually I tell them
I like the dog best




Transcribed from an interview with Jane Somerville, cardiologist, on Desert Island Discs, Friday 12th July 2013. Submitted by Grace Andreacchi.

12 October 2013

Poetry. Please.


My wife died last month

and she loved this poem;

my son is getting married
and I want this poem
to cheer
for him and his bride;

I am sad
and nothing makes sense,
but these verses still manage
to lift me up;

I half recall these words
but can you finish the couplet for me
and help me to get it
out of my head;

I am ill and old
but give me some John Donne
to remind me that I was once
young and in love;

I am young and in love
and please don't use my name
but play this poem
for my heart's desire.




From Poetry Please: the poetic pulse of a nation, The Guardian, 26 September 2013. Submitted by Ailsa Holland.

07 October 2013

Dear Professor,


I have been feeling dizzy and lightheaded this morning
and want to let you know
that I will not be making it to class.

I am currently in bed with a migraine.
Unfortunately, they happen from time to time.

I'm really not feeling well again today
so I think I have to miss class again.

I'm in a class right now where I'll be taking a test,
but I've been sick for a while (coughing, throat,
headache, etc.) and don't know if I'll have the energy
to sit in a classroom for three hours.

I'm currently experiencing bad wheelchair problems
that will, as of now, render me unable to get to class tomorrow.

Just reminding you that I am missing class Thursday
to attend the SUNY Model EU summit
in New York City as a part of the Press Corps.

I had to miss today's journalism class due to heart palpitations.

Please excuse my absence tomorrow,
a family friend committed suicide and I rushed home.

I will get the notes from a classmate.




E-mails received from students during spring and fall 2013 semesters at SUNY New Paltz. Submitted by Howie Good.

02 October 2013

Interview


Judge Mario Cantone of "Sex and the City" fame
Asked Miss Oklahoma
What she thought of Miley Cyrus'
Recent twerk-filled VMAs performance.

Judge Lance Bass of N*SYNC
Asked Miss Minnesota
Whether political candidates
Were carrying "Stand By Your Man" too far
By supporting their spouses.

[PHOTOS: 50 most beautiful female celebrities]

Violinist Joshua Bell
Asked Miss California
If it was the United States' responsibility
To punish Syria for using
Chemical weapons on its own people.

TV chef Carla Hall
Quizzed Miss New York
About what message was sent
By Julie Chen's revelation
She'd had plastic surgery to look less Asian,
To advance her career.

Miss America 2005 Deidre Downs Gunn
Asked Miss Florida
About what the country should do
About minorities having disproportionately low income
And disproportionately high rates
Of unemployment and incarceration.

Miss Florida's answer was actually cut off for time.




From Miss America crowns first Indian American winner, Nina Davuluri, LA Times, 16 September 2013. Submitted by Mark Dzula.