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22 December 2012


Please could you park
in the student car park if
you are in again.

The student car park
is on the opposite side
of the building.

A handwritten note found on the street near to my house in the UK, signed "Traffic Controller". The title is the date written on the note. Submitted by Steve Clement-Large.

18 December 2012

May your premises flood. Repeatedly.

May your premises flood. Repeatedly.
May your buildings cover be invalidated by poor workmanship.
May your staff be off sick, en masse, long-term.
May your food poisoning leave you with a colostomy bag.
May your dogs bite you and may you be underinsured.
May your homes burn, and your insurance company welsh on the deal.
May you be hit by an uninsured driver, while doing something quite witless to invalidate the claim.
May you be caught speeding, texting and pissed simultaneously.
Pay the man's widow what you owe her, scumbags,
and Karma might be kind.

A comment on the petition, 'Friends Life: Pay out Nic Hughes' critical illness policy'. Comment posted 5 December 2012. 'And' deleted (line 2), lines 5 and 6 truncated. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

13 December 2012

I say 'biscuit' 900 times an hour

The hippies of
outrageous fortune
weigh heavy on
the minds of dogs

Taken from an account of life with Tourette's in the Guardian, 10th February 2012. Submitted by Marika Rose.

11 December 2012

La vie aux bouts des doigts

Solo and ropeless
Edlinger climbs out
underneath an overhang,

hangs effortlessly off one arm
several hundred feet
off the ground while

dipping the other
into a bag of chalk,
utterly indifferent

to the danger,
before swinging his foot
into a crack above his head

and pulling himself up.

From the obituary of Patrick Edlinger, 15 June 1960 – 16 November 2012, in the Daily Telegraph. Submitted by Angi Holden.

06 December 2012


Things started to go downhill
while I was trying to
administer novocaine to a dog.
I'm still not entirely sure what happened.
I was trying to inject his gums with anesthesia
when a message popped up,
telling me I had failed.

Game over.

Taken from a review of an ipad app called 'Dental Surgery', 4th December 2012. Submitted by Mat Riches.

04 December 2012

Kugel decided then and there

that he would die a happy man,
that he would consider his meager life
a success, if
in years to come,
kicked in Jonah’s door
and Jonah was surprised.

Let him be utterly
bewildered, dear God.

Let him wonder,
raised-eyebrowed and slack-jawed,

They kick doors in now?
Since when?
Hang on, hang on—
they’re putting people in ovens?
You can’t be serious.
Since when
do people
put other people
in ovens?

From Hope: A Tragedy by Shalom Auslander (2012). Submitted by Ailsa Holland.