I would rather work in mill than in pit

I hurry in the clothes I've now got on,
trousers and ragged jacket; the bald place
upon my head made by thrusting the corves;
my legs have never swelled, but sisters’ did
when they went to mill; I hurry the corves
a mile and more under ground and back;
they weigh three hundredweight; I hurry
eleven a-day; I wear a belt and chain
at the workings to get the corves out;
the getters that I work for are naked
except their caps; they pull off all their clothes;
I see them at work when I go up; sometimes
they beat me, if I am not quick enough,
with their hands; they strike me upon my back;
the boys take liberties with me sometimes,
pull me about; I am the only girl
in the pit; there are about twenty boys
and fifteen men; all the men are naked;
I would rather work in mill than in pit.



17-year-old Patience Kershaw's account of working in a Halifax coal pit, from a report about the condition of young persons employed in coal mines in Facts and Figures, May 2, 1842. Found in Futility Closet. A few words omitted for scansion: 'is' (line 3), 'they' (16), 'coal' (19); and 'I have' contracted in line 1. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

What Pocket Money Was Invented For

29 x glider planes
4 x toxic slime
9 x glitter cowboy hats
30 x flashing dinosaurs
20 x aeroplane bouncy balls
15 x animal bouncy balls (seals etc)
10 x squeaky smiley face yellow things
9 x gigglesticks
1 x box of rings
5 x large flower hair bobbles
1 x box of flashing frog rings
7 x stretchy lizards
5 x stretchy snakes
7 x stretchy frogs
3 x dinosaur skeletons
6 x toxic toilets
4 x tool kits
box of eyepatch + moustach + loopy lou’s
box of turkey and eggs (24)
box of mouse waterballs (12)
box of roll tongue animals (28)
4 x Dr Who pinballs
Stretchy men
Stretchy aliens
10 wooden floppy type animals
5 wooden animal rulers
10 ‘fly back’ gliders
10 spider man keyrings



A stock list from a novelty stall, picked up while tidying up from school summer fair in Macclesfield, 2012. Submitted by Ailsa Holland.

The Complaining Lunch Queue Riposte

However the children complain
that they have to wait
they are hungry
they have less choices
they should even not have to wait
because they have their own lunch—
maybe this is all done deliberately
maybe temporarily
in order to teach them patience.

Why not?
They are not starving to death.
Should everything be easy?
Life is not like that.

Personally I trust the school.

From a Google groups message written by a parent at my child's primary school. He wrote it as a reply to a stream of complaints from other parents that their children were having to wait too long to get their lunch. Commas removed. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Slip

A tanka

Daddy, put it in
the microcave. The micro
cave? Oh, sorry, I've
not said that since my early
sixies. I mean microwave.



A conversation with my 7-year-old daughter, 11 June 2011.  Submitted by Neil.

Fabrice Murinzi Minega

Fabrice MURINZI MINEGA
Age, eight

Favourite sport, swimming
Favourite sweets, chocolate
Best friend, his mum
Behaviour, gregarious
Cause of death, bludgeoned with club.



The words under a picture of Fabrice in the Kigali Genocide Memorial Centre in Rwanda. From 2004. Submitted by Nathan Lechler.

Détente

read it

KEEP OUT

NO sisters and apsolutley NO brothers

Just sisters

Just for today
Brothers
allowed

and me
Freddie



A notice blu-tacked to the sitting room door by my son, aged seven, 24 February 2011. It was half term. Submitted by Amy.

Always

It is always okay
to paint the sky orange
and give cats six legs.



From the blog post What Should a 4 Year Old Know? The first line is one syllable too long for a proper senryu/haiku but close enough. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Adventually

Make christmas pictures. Make christmas toy lists.
Ete mints pies. Decorate bedroom and hotel.
Dress up toys. Reef up. Watch mupits christmas
charle. Make Santa's house out of lego.

Make christmas cards. Christmas tree or read
christmas story. Watch Narnea. Watch Shreck
the holls. An activity scene out.
Dressing gouns on. Deckarate tree. Play games.

Rein dear sweet thing. Dress Atticus up
as Jeses. Make crackers and biscits.
Play in the snow if there is any.
Take pictures of Robings. Sing Rudeof

the red knose Raindear. Put stockings out.
Put mints pies and drink for Santa.



An advent calendar of 24 things to do before Christmas made by my seven-year-old son, with the numbers removed but in his original order. Penned 26 October 2010. Notes: 'Reef' means wreath; the 'Rein dear sweet thing' is a reindeer-shaped sweet dispenser; Atticus is his baby brother. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Things Millenials Hate

Things millennials hate: old stuff
mayonnaise, reading a book
bluegrass music, movies that are
mostly talking, being sober
at school, people who have never
been on TV, having opinions,
losers, math, having an emotion,
animals, not being on Facebook,
virgins, when your mom makes you talk
about your day at the dinner table,
murders. Things millennials love:
texting, sexting, Twilight.



From an article on Gawker, 6th August 2010. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

The Storee of The Soc pupiTs

5.12.09

Along time ago

There livd a soc pupit

and he lovd chocolate.

But wen he open The cubud

There was no chocolate.

Sow The soc pupit went To The shops

But in The shops

They had rund out.

sow the Soc pupit went bac home

wiv no chocolate.

he lookt on the Top shelf

and he sor a chocolate Bar.

The End

I commissioned my 6-year-old to write and illustrate a story for my birthday. This is what he came up with. Can anyone spot his theme? Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

The Little Red Ship

6.11.09

The Litt Red Ship went to town.

Some shopping The Little Red Ship.

Bid some eggs, shoes, Bred and.

Some cookies and The Little Red Ship.

Bid a Blangcit and The Little Red.

Ship had los fo Fun gud I.

hav Evreey Thing I need but The Little.

Red Ship Forgot To Biy some tishoe.

Soow The Little Red Ship went back To The.

Shop and Brot some tishoe and went.

back To his house.

Last Sunday I returned from a weekend away to find a pile of stories written by my 6-year-old. This was one of them, reproduced above exactly as it appeared on the page. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Throwing Things

Once I know what beliefs and emotions
are behind my kids’ bad behavior,
it is a million times easier
to craft an effective response.

Why is Fiona
throwing things in
the grocery cart? Is
she bored? Craving my
attention? Remember that
often kids don’t know why they
are doing something, so just asking
them outright might not work. But I’ve learned
over time that when my kids are acting really big
(screaming, for example) they are often feeling very small.

From the blog Half Full: Science for Raising Happy Kids. Submitted by Marika Rose.

Alan to Zoe

Alan, Alfie, Ami,
Benedict, Clementine, Eilidh.
Ethan,
Ewan,
Gemma, Georgia,
Huxley, Isaac, Joseph, Leah,
Liam, Macie, Marika.
Mateus, Matthew,
Muadh, Niuniu,
Pietro,
Risha, Seungji, Shilo.
Tamzin, Taslima, Tyan,
Yonatan.
Zoe.



My son has just started school. This list contains the first names of all his classmates (memorised from their pegs). He's having trouble remembering them. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Up the Wall

Hey ... sending hugs!
Going to visit your mum
and friday ... fun at the farm.

Found fantastic bright red sofa
for lounge will be so much fun.
Kidz in paddlin pool today yes pool
it was lovely x Paula was

given fish by fisherman at loch ...
had it for their tea.
man want to give them fly fishin lessons!
joseph and Paul very keen

x love and hugs x you doin ok?

By Heather, from 5 August 2009. Facebook wall post from one friend to another. Original punctuation but with punctuation marks greatly reduced.

Bagpuss

Once upon a time, not so long ago,
there was a little girl and her name was Emily.
And she had a shop – there it is.
It was rather an unusual shop
because it didn't sell anything.
You see, everything in that shop window
was a thing that somebody had once lost,
and Emily had found,
and brought home to Bagpuss.

Emily's cat Bagpuss:
the most important –
the most beautiful –
the most magical –
saggy old cloth cat in the whole wide world.

Well now, one day Emily found a thing
and she brought it back to the shop
and put it down in front of Bagpuss
who was in the shop window fast asleep as usual.
But then Emily said some magic words:

Bagpuss, dear Bagpuss,
old fat furry catpuss,
wake up and look at this thing that I bring.
Wake up, be bright,
be golden and light;
Bagpuss, oh hear what I sing.

And Bagpuss was wide awake.
And when Bagpuss wakes up
all his friends wake up too:
the mice on the mouse-organ woke up and
stretched; Madeleine, the rag doll; Gabriel,
the toad; and last of all, Professor Yaffle,
who was a very distinguished old woodpecker.

He climbed down off his bookend and went to see
what it was that Emily had brought.



The voiceover from the beginning of each and every episode of Bagpuss, a UK children's TV programme from 1974. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Hose on Charlie's Nose

–Drip. Drip. Drip.

Charlie, can I ask you a favour?
will it be alright if I stick my hose
on the end of your nose
because we need a lot more water
to wash the soap off Button Moon.

Of course you can Small. Come on,
Charlie, get ready to be turned on.

–I don't want a hose
on the end of my nose.
I'll look like an elephant.

O but Charlie, just think,
you'll be doing a great job.
Your cold water will be cleaning
Button Moon.

Please Charlie.

–Alright Small,
just for you.
Go on.
Stick it on.

Small, when you're ready
for Charlie to be turned on
you just call out
and I'll get soggy cloth.
He spends most of his time
sitting over there in that soap dish.
It's about time he did some work.

Sorry Captain Large,
I've got the other end of the hose
but I don't know what to do with it.

–Look Small, we're running out of time
so you give me the hose and I'll do it
while you operate the remote control.

You might as well get ready to turn him on.
Slurp. Slurp. Slurp.

–Oh well done Small.
Now you can press the button
nice and slow.

I've never worked these before.

–Oooooh.



My kids were watching Button Moon and the dialogue caught my ear. Button Moon is a British children's TV series with puppets broadcast in the 1980s. The dialogue above is from the episode 'Hose on Charlie's Nose.' Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

up4it

I spoke2Safia,
She was well up4it,
But timings r gonna b tricky.
The kids go2bed@10/11!

She said
She could
Change their bedtime4our class,
I don't think that's practical!

The kids r away
@their dads4most
of the w/end...
We could change
Times@the w/end
Dependin,
Coz she's flexible.

What do u think?

By Liz. A text from a friend, received 1 April 2009.