A modern gentleman

Carries house guests’ luggage to their rooms, breaks
a relationship face to face
has read ​Pride and Prejudice, demonstrates
that making love is neither a race
nor a competition. Never lets a door
slam in someone’s face, is unafraid
to speak the truth, arrives five minutes before,
possesses at least one dark suit, well-made.
Can undo a bra with one hand, has two
tricks to entertain children, can prepare
a bonfire, says his name when introduced,
cooks an omelette to die for. Knows that there
is always an exception to a rule;
avoids lilac socks, polishes his shoes.



From Revealed: The 39 steps to being a modern gentleman, The Telegraph, 28 October 2015. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Road Atlas

Austin, Waco, West, San Antonio
Carlsbad, Aztec, Shiprock, Tucumcari
Laredo, Lubbock, Winnie, Amarillo
Cortez, Santa Fe, Vail, Mesa Verde
Dime Box, Bellville, Waxahatchie, Reno
Abilene, Dalhart, Nogales, Yuma
Houston, Dallas, Kayenta, El Paso
Mexican Hat, Show Low, Heber, Ozona
Jerome, Sedona, Grants, Truckee, Tahoe
Chinle, Tuba City, Prescott, Parker
San Jose, Monterrey, Palm Springs, Pueblo
Boulder, Tucson, Flagstaff, Port Arthur
Texas, New Mexico, and then Arizona
Colorado, Utah, on to California



Places in Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, Utah, and California from the National Geographic Road Atlas 2001: USA, Canada, Mexico, Deluxe ed. (Mapquest.com, 2000). Submitted by James Brush.

You just can't pitch behind

I had my at ‘em ball going today.
We’ve got to have fun. The catcher and I
were on the same wavelength. That’s why they pay
him x million dollars. Give the guy

some credit; he hit a good pitch. Yes. No.
You saw it … write it. You’re only as good
as your last game. I just wanted to go
as hard as I could as long as I could.

That All-Star voting is a joke. It takes
twenty-four players. I couldn’t have done it
without my teammates. With a couple breaks,
we win that game. I don’t get paid to hit.

Hey, we were due to catch a break or two.
I did my best, and that’s all I can do.



From Futility Closet: 'In 1990, weary of repetitive interviews, Phillies pitcher Don Carman posted this list of responses on his locker. “You saw the game,” he told reporters. “Take what you need.”' Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

I should have drunk more champagne

I should have drunk more champagne. And the rest
of the world can kiss my ass. Plaudite,
amici, comedia finita est.
Better to burn out than to fade away.
Tell Fidel that this failure does not mean
the end of the revolution. I see
black light. I can't sleep. Rain had always been
a harbinger of tragedy for me.
You can stop now; I'm already dead. All
my possessions for a moment of time.
Please put out the light. Please don't let me fall.
I am not in the least afraid to die.
I must go to meet God, try to explain…
Do you hear the rain? Do you hear the rain?



Compiled from the famous last words of real people, as recorded at Wikiquotes. The contributors, in order, are John Maynard Keynes, Johnny Frank Garrett, Beethoven, Kurt Cobain, Che Guevara, Victor Hugo, JM Barrie, George Beard, Abigail Folger, Queen Elizabeth I, Theodore Roosevelt, Mary Surratt, Charles Darwin, Bernard Montgomery, and Jessica Dubroff. The word 'in' has been added to line 12, and a comma substituted for 'and' in line 13. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Fool's Parsley

A sonnet

Hedge mustard, hairy tare, mouse-ear-hawkweed,
Long-headed poppy, evening primrose, pale
persicaria, volunteer oilseed
rape, common toadflax, flixweed, field horsetail.
Corn spurrey, coltsfoot, creeping soft-grass, cock's-
foot, common ragwort, cleavers, cut-leaved crane's-
bill, bracken, bramble, black-grass, broad-leaved dock,
black nightshade, dove, Canadian fleabane.
Procumbent pearlwort, prickly lettuce, cow
parsley, fool’s parsley, speedwell, volunteer
potato, spear-leaved orache, prickly sow-
thistle, sun spurge, soft brome, sticky mouse-ear.
Field madder, field forget-me-not, goat's-beard,
Field bindweed, scented mayweed, parsley piert.



Assembled from Garden Organic's list of A-Z weeds by common name. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.