Joy

Remove all sharp objects from jumper!
Do not use when smoking!
Do not use with high blood pressure!
Do not use during pregnancy!
Do not use when suffering!
Do not use somersaults!
Use only bare foots!



The warning notice packaged with a trampoline kit from the Big Bounce trampoline company. Submitted by Emma Neale.

The Seven Deadly Chairs

THE CHURCH WOULD BE MUCH OBLIGED
IF YOU WOULD NOT
STACK THE GREY CHAIRS ANY MORE THAN
SIX DEEP

THIS IS A HEALTH AND SAFETY MATTER
THANK YOU

From a notice at the Central Methodist Church, Todmorden, West Yorkshire, 17th March 2015. Exactly as it appeared. Submitted by Tim Benjamin.

Welcome to inclusion

Please do not remove mice
or keyboards. Look towards
the person who is speaking.

Only you can change your attitude:
think about word chunks you know.

What can you say
if you haven’t heard or understood?
You must build the tallest tower
to win the competition.




Text from notices pinned and projected on the walls of a classroom in Haverstock School, 9 July 2014. Submitted by Natalie Shaw.

Fabrice Murinzi Minega

Fabrice MURINZI MINEGA
Age, eight

Favourite sport, swimming
Favourite sweets, chocolate
Best friend, his mum
Behaviour, gregarious
Cause of death, bludgeoned with club.



The words under a picture of Fabrice in the Kigali Genocide Memorial Centre in Rwanda. From 2004. Submitted by Nathan Lechler.

Détente

read it

KEEP OUT

NO sisters and apsolutley NO brothers

Just sisters

Just for today
Brothers
allowed

and me
Freddie



A notice blu-tacked to the sitting room door by my son, aged seven, 24 February 2011. It was half term. Submitted by Amy.

Steam Room Rules

Shower
before entering avoid contact with steam
inlet No
shaving permitted
No persons
under fifteen years permitted in steam
bath Do not
add essence



By Heather. Total Fitness steam room rules, seen 5 August 2009.

Seven Types of Ambiguity at the Post Office on Histon Road

Sorry
POSITION
CLOSED



The pull-down blind notice in the serving position window inside the Post Office, as stared at for 15 minutes of my lunch break today. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Please Secure Catches

Please secure catches
and latches
and barrel bolts,
fitted to doors,
and windows
(especially at night).

From Andrew, 'from an Indian sleeper railway carriage my family took once.' Seen in 1993.