Joy

Remove all sharp objects from jumper!
Do not use when smoking!
Do not use with high blood pressure!
Do not use during pregnancy!
Do not use when suffering!
Do not use somersaults!
Use only bare foots!



The warning notice packaged with a trampoline kit from the Big Bounce trampoline company. Submitted by Emma Neale.

The Seven Deadly Chairs

THE CHURCH WOULD BE MUCH OBLIGED
IF YOU WOULD NOT
STACK THE GREY CHAIRS ANY MORE THAN
SIX DEEP

THIS IS A HEALTH AND SAFETY MATTER
THANK YOU

From a notice at the Central Methodist Church, Todmorden, West Yorkshire, 17th March 2015. Exactly as it appeared. Submitted by Tim Benjamin.

Hostage etiquette

You can ask them for basic questions like –
toilet, drinking, eating
In case of failure, do not mind
You can try again later.
In any case you do not have to threaten terrorists
phrases such as ‘You will still all be killed’
‘Soon comes your end’
This could cause psychological disruption
and the worst consequences.
Do not humiliate the terrorists.
Do not take weapons thrown by the terrorists.
Often the terrorists hide among the hostages.
Therefore all are suspected.
Always remember
if you are ready
calmly and confidently
to resist to the misfortune,
it will never HAPPEN to you.



Taken from a list of instructions found in a Ykaterinburg hotel, as described in the Financial Times article, A grim warning in the Russian regions, 3rd December 2013. Submitted by Grace Andreacchi.

De Hors

Do not lean out
Do not punch the horse
No spaghetti
Night of the tinsel hen



A rather loose translation of a warning sign in a New Zealand train, February 2011. Submitted by Noah Slater.

Election Day Warning

Warning to voters
You will commit
A serious offence
(personation)*
if you:

Vote in person
or by post as
some other person,
whether as an elector
or as proxy,
and whether that other person is living or dead
or is a fictitious person.

Vote in person
or by post as
proxy - for a person you know
or you have reasonable grounds for
supposing to be dead
or a fictitious person;
or when you know
or have reasonable grounds for supposing
that your appointment as proxy
is no longer in force.

*Unless you are acting
as someone's formally appointed proxy.

You are guilty of
an offence
if you:

Vote in person
or by post, whether as an elector or as proxy
or apply to vote by proxy
or by post as elector,
knowing that you are subject
to a legal incapacity to vote at the election.

Apply for the appointment of a proxy to vote
for you at an election knowing that you
or the person to be appointed is subject
to a legal incapacity to vote at the election.

Vote, whether in person
or by post, as proxy
for some other person at an election,
knowing that person is subject
to a legal incapacity to vote.

Vote more than once** whether by post
or in person, or as proxy
and in the same electoral area.

*Unless you are acting
as someone's formally appointed proxy,
or unless two or more elections are
being held together and
you are entitled to a vote in each.

You will commit
a serious offence
You could face imprisonment or
a fine if found guilty.



From a polling station poster in Langley Moor, 6th May 2010. Submitted by Marika Rose.

What happened was this, doctor

We strongly recommend
you do not leave the camera
in your pants pocket
when you sit down
or forcefully insert it
into a full or tight bag.

Damage to the LCD monitor
or personal injury may result.

This safety warning came with a Panasonic Lumix DMC-FX37 digital camera. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.