UKIP Weather Forecast: It’s Raining Men

A morning kiss between two consenting adults
will lead to drizzle on higher ground.
An area of blame will move in from the east
before drifting away and settling over Brussels.
Dark clouds are forming over the Midlands
following voluntary sexual intercourse
between two unmarried persons.
Temperatures will plummet as a result
of a man in Cumbria enthusiastically browsing
through a home furnishings catalogue.
The early sunshine in the Cotswolds
has been replaced by cloud after a man
spent a suspiciously long time grooming his facial hair.
The sun makes a brief appearance
after John Barrowman stubs his toe
on the corner of a wardrobe.



Compiled from tweets by @UkipWeather in response to UKIP Councillor David Silvester's remarks linking bad weather to same-sex marriage. Submitted by Angi Holden.

Cry me a rainbow

Down by the Fairway waterfront
where all of those artist
studios are the surge
broke into the first floor studios
drawing out paint and chalk across
the whole walkway, splashing
it back up against
the side of the building,
wave by wave,
making this insane rainbow
colored splatter paint all
across the Red Hook
shore. There must have been
mostly red paint
because the ocean in that
little alcove has turned a deep maroon.



Taken from a letter describing the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. Submitted by Marika.

Weather Girl's Haiku

A wet and cold start
This morning windy. Later
rain dying away.



The BBC Breakfast weather forecast, as delivered by Carol Kirkwood, March 2012. 'The' removed from the start of line 3. Submitted by Fran Isherwood.

Lion/Lamb

Rain makes for mood of
sadness. I wish for sunny
days for all. My fans.



A tweet by Tommy Wiseau on 4th January, 2012. Submitted by Marika Rose.

This Text Is Just To Say

The rose bush
is falling over
with the wind.



A whole text message from my wife, 23 May 2011. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Sea State

Humber Thames Dover Wight
Portland Plymouth north Biscay
Variable 3 or 4. Smooth or slight.
Fair.

Moderate or good,
Occasionally poor later.



By Nathan Lechler, taken from the shipping forecast on 22nd June 2010.