Man Adrift

He felt at times as if he were still in the Navy,
adrift on the sea, peering down through the vents

the way he used to squint through binoculars
on deck duty, keeping a lookout for objects

of interest. Life in the attic was humdrum.
His motel was a drydocked boat whose guests

endlessly watched television, exchanged
banalites, had sex mainly under the covers

if they had sex at all--and gave him so little
to write about that sometimes he wrote nothing at all.



From The Voyeur's Motel by Gay Talese, The New Yorker, 11 April 2016. Submitted by DawnCorrigan.

Profits

in the
real sense
of the word,
pro that
wonderful,
fun, and
deliciously creative
force that
bathes the body
in delight and pleasure,

and what you are actually against is porn sex?

a kind of sex that is debased dehumanized formulaic and generic a kind of sex based not on individual fantasy play or imagination but one that is the result of an industrial product created by those who get excited not by bodily contact but by market penetration and –






profits.



From 'Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality' by Gail Dines, (Boston: Beacon Press, 2010), Preface, page x. Submitted by Rosa Walling-Wefelmeyer.

Doing your duty!

I’m a patriotic husband,
you my patriotic wife,
lemme book into ya camp
and manufacture life.

Only financially secure adults
in stable, committed, long-term
relationships should participate.



A song encouraging Singaporeans to have more babies, reported in Baby Love, The Economist, 25 July 2015. Submitted by Rishi Dastidar.

A brutal nadir

I took my seat
at the microfilm reader
and began to scroll
slowly
through the archives.

For the first hundred years,
as far as I could tell,
all that happened in America
was that various people
named Nathaniel
had purchased land
near rivers.

I scrolled faster,
finally reaching an account
of an early Colonial-era shaming.

On July 15, 1742,
a woman named Abigail,
her husband at sea,
had been found
"naked in bed
with one John Russell."

They were to be
"whipped at the public post
20 stripes each."

Abigail
was appealing the ruling,
but it wasn’t the whipping itself she wished to avoid.
She was begging the judge
to be whipped early,
before the town awoke.



From How One Stupid Tweet Blew Up Justine Sacco's Life by Jon Ronson, New York Times Magazine, 12 February 2015. Submitted by Daniel Galef.

The Pornography of Everyday Life

Last year,
I woke up
in a hotel room
in Amsterdam.

There was
a woman
in my bed.

I looked
in the mirror
and saw
that my eyebrows
were gray.

I saw
that I was
forty.




Painter Alexander Melamid, quoted in Forty-One False Starts by Janet Malcolm (Granta Books, 2014). Submitted by Howie Good.

Window in the House of Mirrors, Market Street, 1889

At the top
is a clear-eyed maiden
whose lips smile joy.
Below,
and to the left, framed
in long hair
is a horribly sensuous face,
one
eye closed in a leer
above
thick slobbering lips.

Next, is the stupid fat face
of a glutton. Then comes
the hard cold face
of a woman not much
older than the young girl above,
the fifth
face. In the narrow
ell of the house,
behind her is that embittered
old man with cruel eyes,
his hairy moustache
cushioning bulbous jaws.



A description from a file in Denver Public Library of stone carvings on an old Colorado brothel. Via Soiled Doves: Prostitution in the Early West by Anne Seagraves (1994, Wesanne Publications). 'Cushioned' changed to 'cushioning'. Submitted by Angela Readman.

THIS IS NOT A LOVE THING - The Harlot’s Progress 2014

1. Arrival in London

Boy have you been a lucky girl
new in town and everybody’s
darling: love, desire and a tender
touch always has the boys high
for candy kisses, little miss.

Beware the late night
luxury love, enjoy the
good times - for a day.


2. Quarrel with her protector

Introducing a girl in a million.
A young mistress, tamed and trained
with a luxury new apartment
and a wardrobe full of fun and games.

She’s fresh and lovely, a cherry ripe
English rose. Fresh and green
she must be seen.


3. Apprehended by a Magistrate

Come on gentlemen
report now!
She’s a genuine siren
talented and in control.

Urgent, be warned – your afternoon
fun just got sensored:
it’s playtime with visiting
magistrates now!!


4. Scene in Bridewell

So, a total transformation for
the country girl – complete captivation
caged amd reduced to tears. A taste of
no mercy, a broken sentence.

Bow and show repentance.


5. She expires while doctors quarrel

Great, she’s back!
In town, in pain. Feel
the sensation – it’s agony
she has friends: caring,
friendly and understanding
a lifetime too late. Ouch!


6. The funeral

Demonstrate respect for the
pleasure princess. This is not
a love thing, she’s heaven bound –
it’s judgement day for all.

Relax Venus
and enjoy the rest.



Taken from a series of 'tart cards' found in London phone boxes. The poem is a take on The Harlot's Progress by William Hogarth, using his original titles and featuring the found text to tell the story of each print. Submitted by Victoria Bean.

UKIP Weather Forecast: It’s Raining Men

A morning kiss between two consenting adults
will lead to drizzle on higher ground.
An area of blame will move in from the east
before drifting away and settling over Brussels.
Dark clouds are forming over the Midlands
following voluntary sexual intercourse
between two unmarried persons.
Temperatures will plummet as a result
of a man in Cumbria enthusiastically browsing
through a home furnishings catalogue.
The early sunshine in the Cotswolds
has been replaced by cloud after a man
spent a suspiciously long time grooming his facial hair.
The sun makes a brief appearance
after John Barrowman stubs his toe
on the corner of a wardrobe.



Compiled from tweets by @UkipWeather in response to UKIP Councillor David Silvester's remarks linking bad weather to same-sex marriage. Submitted by Angi Holden.

Most unusual

It was the most unusual inquest
since the Tory MP met his maker
trussed up like a boil-in-a-bag duck à l’orange –
with a noose round his neck
a bin-liner over his head
and a satsuma
stuffed in his mouth.




From So that’s why they’re called the Funny People, Mail Online, 3 May 2012. Submitted by Tim Benjamin.

Semenology

fructose sugar
water
ascorbic acid
citric acid
enzymes
protein
zinc

and more!



From Semen Health Benefits: It Really Does Have All The Nutrients Of A Protein Shake, Huffington Post, 5 June 2013. Punctuation changed. Submitted by Richard Eno.

Grass-Eating Boys’ Commitment

phobia is not the only thing that’s worrying
Japanese women. Unlike earlier generations

of Japanese men, they prefer
not to make the first move, they like

to split the bill, and they’re not
particularly motivated by sex.

I spent the night at one guy’s house, and nothing
happened. We just went to sleep, moaned one

incredulous woman on a TV program
devoted to herbivores.

It’s like something’s missing with them, said
Yoko Yatsu, a 34-year-old housewife.

If they were more normal, they’d be more interested
in women. They’d at least want to talk to women.



A quote from Alexandra Harney in Slate, quoted in Why Isn't Japan Having Sex? at The Good Men Project. Submitted by Andrew Milewski.

Keep It Pimpin'

Get more serious about my money
and future. Treat this pimpin like its
a business only except their best.
Take care my bitches more better.

The other ways to work my hoes
internet, int. feature dancers, int. stuff.
Discover hoes from all over
Jail house, small cities, nationwide got hoes
that are waiting to be discovered.

Stay in high pursuit
looking for a prostitute.
Don't never get too comfortable
or lazy in my position.

Maintain and campaign everything I do
or buy make sure it's a campaign tool.
Make my word is my bond keep it pimpin!
Attend the Players Ball in Vegas
Cross country pimpin!
Establish my name internationally.

Take my game to the next level
from the concrete streets,
to the executive suites.
Pimp or die;
mack or cry
play to win
and plan to the end.

Set up a international operation
have five hoes on every continent,
make every hoe take a vow to hoeing!
Purse first, ass last!
If I'm gonna take a chance,
then I'm gonna take the hoes money in advance!

Put my city on the map and establish my own player
Stack money to the ceiling safety deposit box.
Cash cars buy alot good cash cars that way
I will always have cars if something goes bad.

Minimumize my budget cash cars, houses.
Keep a good photographer
split second video/kings flea market.
Get in touch with big Al out of Florida.



The business plan of a pimp presented by US prosecutors in Oakland, from Youth Radio, via kottke. The several parentheses have been italicised instead and basic punctuation added where not in the original. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Legendary Tales of Your Sausage

Get a longer and more robust pole,
Grow your organ into a monster.
Big d1cks get all the chicks;
Your long and hard rod will please her.

Get more length, girth and hardness,
Impress your huge size on her;
Make your underpants bulge today,
Give her the best experience ever.

Better sex with organ pills:
You will reach far deeper inside her.
Bang her till she passes out,
Bang her longer and harder.

Surprise everyone with your increased length,
Cumming has never been stronger.
Be the man every woman desires:
This will make you longer.



Subject lines picked from my Gmail spam folder in the last 10 days, including the title. What happened to all the innocent spam? Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Sex and dirty dishes

Jana offers the following assessment:
You know, I wouldn't say you
doing the dishes for me
is better than sex...but it's close.

I laugh and laugh.
I understand, I say,
You know,
I bet if we called all your friends tonight
and asked them the question,
'Would you rather have sex
with your husband tonight
or have him wash the dishes?'
that 100% would say
'Wash the dishes.'
She agrees.

But I have a crazy idea.
Let's put this to the test! I say,
Let's call your friends and pose the question.

So Jana starts making calls.
Asking wife after wife the question:
If you could have sex with your husband tonight
or have him do the dishes
what would you choose?

The results rolled in.
Like election night.
And the verdict?
100%

Do the dishes.



From the blog Experimental Theology. Submitted by Marika Rose. This is the 100th poem to be published on Verbatim!

The Top Ten Weirdest

The top ten
weirdest and funniest
Japanese condoms. Ten
ways to have fun with boobs. Fifteen

ads that prove
sex sells ... best? Thirteen
haunted houses that will make you wet
your pants. Girls get

the anime look with extra-wide
contact lenses. Fresh
baked bread, anyone?
Gruesome body bakery. Fifteen

strange and bizarre gifts
for the weirdos in your
life. World's first
eyeball tattoo – ouch! Ten

types of women you
need to avoid. The top ten
weird and bizarre
Japanese soft drinks.



The top ten All-time most popular articles on inventorspot.com, as of 13 August 2009. Re-ordered, but otherwise unchanged. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Spam #2

Has your cum ever
dribbled
and you wish it had shot out?
Have you ever wanted
to impress your girl
with a huge cumshot?

SPUR-M is the only site to offer
an all natural
male enhancement formula
proven to increase
your sperm volume
by up to five hundred percent.
Our highly potent,
volume enhancing formula
will give our results in days
and comes
with an impressive
one hundred percent
guarantee.

Imagine the difference
– look and feel –
between dribbling your cum
compared to shooting out
burst after burst.

Try SPUR-M now. And with
our money back guarantee
you have absolutely
nothing
to lose.



One from the archives: text from a spam email saved from 2004. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Modern Life

Scientific researches determined
that
the main reason of family conflicts
is
hidden in the sex relations.

Modern life doesn't leave energy till night,
so
bigger part of male population
can't
satisfy their wives.

But you



An entire email spam message I once received. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.