Specific comments about certain aspects of the meals service

In reply to a comment about the
fish batter not being sufficiently
crisp, Mr Howe explained that one of the fish
friers was not working properly, but
that he hoped that this would be put right
in the near future.

Mr Howe also
mentioned that recently it appeared
that a small number of undergraduates
in lunch and informal hall were taking
two portions of sweet or cheese and biscuits.
The committee agreed with him that people
should not take an additional helping
which they had not paid for.

Mr Howe said
that there was a tendency for the pencils
to disappear from the ticket machines
outside hall; the committee felt that
for the benefit of others, people
should not remove the pencils from the ticket
machines.

Mr Howe was worried about
standards of hygiene in the ‘servery’
and thought that undergraduates could
play a part in preserving standards by
refraining from peering into the food trays.



Kitchen Committee meeting minutes from Fitzwilliam College Magazine, 1971, via @FitzwilliamColl on Twitter. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

I'm a Nurse with a Vice

off duty without a friend, a hobby to console me,
or the price of a cinema ticket, what can I do?

I enter a little shop down the road, furtively,
and ask the woman for my favourite brand.

I sneak back to my room and lock the door
against everyone. Then out comes the teaspoon

I filched from the dining room. I indulge in an orgy
of onions, gherkins, piccalilli, mustard and spice.

Yes, I finish the whole jar. Then I wash my hands,
clean my teeth, and can face the world. Maybe

it’s because pickles aren’t provided in our meals.
Or maybe my nature requires still more acid.

Mother says the vinegar will dry up my blood
and I’ll be preserved. But, oh, what a glorious end.



From a letter to an old edition of Woman magazine sent in by Miss J.D. Huddersfield of Yorkshire. Submitted by Angela Readman.

Woman to woman

I know I am not the only woman in the world
with a sort of hurt feeling about fruit shops.

The windows are always so full of delicious
looking fruit. The rosiest of apples, succulent

black grapes, oranges and grapefruit that make
my mouth water. The greenest of watercress,

and sprightly mustard cress just ask for a plate
of thin bread and butter and a cup of strong tea.

Brussel sprouts are so neat and compact.
And every potato is round, neat and eyeless,

- just right to bake with half a dozen of its brothers.
Why is it then, when I get home with my basket

I find little shapeless many eyed potatoes, sprouts
dirty and loose-leaved, cress yellow and limp?

I know every fruit and vegetable can’t be perfect.
But I think some of the window fruit should get

into the shopping basket more often - in fact I know.



From a letter to Woman magazine sent in by Miss I.A.L Shields of County Durham, around the late 1940s. Submitted by Angela Readman.

Supper preferences

When these birds move their wings in flight,
their strokes are slow, moderate and regular,
and even when at a considerable distance

or high above us, we plainly hear the quill-feathers,
their shafts and webs upon one another,
creak as the joints or

working of a vessel in a tempestuous sea.
We had this fowl dressed for supper
and it made excellent soup;

nevertheless as long as I can get any other
necessary food I shall prefer his
seraphic music in the ethereal skies.



William Bartram, in Travels Through North & South Carolina, Georgia, East & West Florida, the Cherokee Country, the Extensive Territories of the Muscogulges, or Creek Confederacy, and the Country of the Chactaws. Spelling modernised. Submitted by Dawn Corrigan.

Prosciutto

When I was young, there was one kind of prosciutto.
It was made in the winter, by hand, and aged for two years.
It was sweet when you smelled it.
A profound perfume.

If it's too warm, the aging process never begins.
The meat spoils.
If it's too dry, the meat is ruined.
It needs to be damp but cool.

The summer is too hot.
In the winter—that's when you make salumi.
Your prosciutto.
Your soppressata.
Your sausages.



An old Italian butcher talking about making prosciutto, via Bill Buford, according to Wikipedia. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

The Wisdom of the East

The face
of nature

reflects
all of

life’s ups
and downs.

Carve your
name on

your heart,
not in

marble.
You are

the center
of attention

wherever
you go.



Three slips of paper inside fortune cookies from a Chinese restaurant in Chinatown, New York City. Submitted by J.R. Solonche.

Happiness is simple

Rise and dine
The winner will appear
When you’re too hot to move
Don’t worry about snagging a picnic table

The winner will appear
Don’t just watch the Food Network
Don’t worry about snagging a picnic table
Just toss ‘em in your pitcher

Don’t just watch the Food Network
Make pulled pork with the Neelys
Just toss ‘em in your pitcher
Happiness is simple. Cook with bacon.

Make pulled pork with the Neelys
Keep everything cold for nearly a week
Happiness is simple. Cook with bacon.
It will travel forty feet on a flat surface

Keep everything cold for nearly a week
If you find anything else inside our bag…
It will travel forty feet on a flat surface
Not all love notes are written.

If you find anything else inside our bag…
See if the judges pick your dish
Not all love notes are written.
Where can I buy it?

His and her refrigerators
Happiness is simple. Cook with bacon.
Where can I buy it?
Where can I buy it?

Rise and dine.
When you’re too hot to move.



Ads and headlines from 'Food Network Magazine' 2009, arranged into a pantoum. Submitted by Lita Kurth.

Fried bread

Taiwan’s hand grasp bread
A legendary experience of dough
It’s just doomed earthshaking. Because the
inoculation of thousands have experienced and
iceberg … Finally one thousand reopen. You see
it … The cold of each lovely white body.
Experienced pressed on warm body … Clean and
attractive turning on the state of the body. Blood
in the body boiling. Inflation. Tempestuous … A
lovely stunner available. Curse. Wrapped in
white silk garments of thin layer. Extremely
upset, body of waving … Use hand grasp, surface
silk involvement.

You move?



From a poster advertisement on a small fried bread stand in China. Transcribed by Sean Wilkerson and Herbert Woodward Martin.

Richard Stallman's rider 4

Food

Or, You need to know what I dislike

avocado, eggplant, usually
(there are occasional exceptions)
hot pepper, olives, liver
(even in trace quantities)

stomach and intestine, other organ meats
cooked tuna, oysters, egg yolk
if the taste is noticeable,
except when boiled completely hard

many strong cheeses, especially those
with green fungus, desserts
that contain fruit or liqueur flavors
sour fruits, such as grapefruit

and many oranges, beer, coffee
though weak coffee flavor can be good
in desserts, the taste of alcohol
so I don't drink anything stronger than wine



From the detailed requirements that free software activist Richard Stallman sends ahead of his speaking engagements. Submitted by Gabriel Smy. Part four of a five-part poem.

Dearest Jamie

I bought my lovely boyfriend Darren
your book for Christmas and i haven't
had to cook a meal
since

He went through the cupboards
to find out what we were missing
from your list and he even invested
£100.00 buying a magimix.

He stopped smoking Monday
and finds thinking about what he needs
to buy to prepare the evening meal
a good distraction from the withdrawal
symptoms.

Now i don't want you or your readers
to think that i'm complaining
because
i know i've got it made (he even hoovers,
irons and cleans the bathroom)
the only problem i'm having is that
everything
is so tasty i'm clearing my plate
and i'm worried i'm going to be
the size
of a house

We're moving to a new home next month
and he's informed me he'd like a black
gloss kitchen and a range to cook on

He bought me black diamonds,
I think he's a keeper.



Taken from a comment left on a dumpling recipe on Jamie Oliver's website on the 7th January 2009. Some exclamation marks removed. Submitted by Nikki.

Drunkorexia

“Eatin’s Cheatin’” echoes around the office on a Friday afternoon.
Women pick over their naked salads and extra extra light low fat
Philly on Ryvita. The preparations for ‘Rosé o’clock’ are well
under way.
They’ll grumble through the afternoon and suppress the urge
to be
‘naughty’ whenever anyone offers a biscuit, sweet or chocolate.
Fun.



From Drunkorexia: A stupid name, but a serious problem on the Independent blogs. Omitted words: 'as' (line 1) and 'their way' (4). Submitted by Rishi Dastidar.

Re-Verse

Redira second in defensive digs –
Retain Potter.

Dumpster fire scorches bookstore –
Mariners set sail.

Lobster too good to eat –
Zuckerberg has the world by the tail.

Corrections/Clarifications
Dead man awakens at funeral.

Plan to revive economy –
Free public workshop.



Headlines in the Monterey County Herald on the 14th and 15th May, 2012. Submitted by Neal.

Yutaka Registered-Trade-Mark Sushi

Place Yutaka® Sushi Nori on a Yutaka® Bamboo Mat, 
right at the edge 
nearest your body. 
Spread evenly with Yutaka® rice over about 
two thirds of the sushi nori 
with the uncovered part 
facing away from you. Add your favourite fillings 

a little off centre. 

Roll up the bamboo mat
slowly
tucking the closer end of the sushi nori to start a roll 
and press lightly with both hands. 
Wet the final flap of Yutaka® Sushi Nori 
to stick the roll together. 

Remove roll from the mat, and cut 
into six pieces using a 
lightly moistened 
sharp knife.



Taken from the back of a sushi rolling mat packet, found in the attic. Submitted by Christa.

Groceries or pizza?

pizza is just an easy fix
for a temporary solution



A friend's facebook response to a shopping dilemma on March 1st 2012. Submitted by Rachel Helen Smith.