One of my hermits is moulting

What should I do?
Nothing. Moulters already
have to suffer from stress.
Disturbing them will make it worse.
Place a cave over them
to provide darkness.
Most will harden.

How do I distinguish a dead hermit?
Look for a claw in the shell.
The eyes should be hollow
and translucent.
The eyes of dead hermits
are dark in colour, just like
when they were alive.

How long should I wait?
You are better digging
up a dead hermit
three months later
than stressing one to death
that was alive and could
have surfaced on its own.

Why is my hermit being lethargic?
This is normal behaviour.
Offer protein and calcium.
There is not much else you can do.
Sometimes they experience
difficulty shedding
so they give up and drop.



Advice from Hermit Crab Paradise website, extracted 29 April 2016. Submitted by Linda Goulden.

The very last of something

Sudan doesn’t know how precious he is,
his eye a sad black dot in his wrinkled face
his head a marvellous thing, a majestic rectangle
of strong bone and leathery flesh,
a head that expresses pure strength.
How terrible that such a mighty head
can be so vulnerable, lowered melancholically
beneath the sinister sky, as if weighed down by fate.
This is the noble head of an old warrior,
armour battered, appetite for struggle fading.



From A picture of loneliness: you are looking at the last male northern white rhino by Jonathan Jones, The Guardian, 12 May 2015. Submitted by Angi Holden.

FIRE!

Look over there!...An antelope…

BANG…

Monkey!!

BANG…

Snakes!

BANG!

…stupid crocodiles?

BANG!

…a lion??

BANG!

…why not rabbits?

BANG!

…an elephant

BANG!

Come on if you dare, mighty buffalo!

BANG! BANG!

Grrr! That’s us. Bold as brass. Keen as mustard.



Lines from Tintin in the Congo, Hergé (1930). Submitted by Cathy Barber.

On the division of animals

More often than not, the linguist or anthropologist just throws up his hands and resorts to giving a list — a list that one would not be surprised to find in the writings of Borges.
George Lakoff

Those that belong to the Emperor,
embalmed ones,
those that are trained,
suckling pigs,
mermaids,
fabulous ones,
stray dogs,
those that are included in this classification,
those that tremble as if they were mad,
innumerable ones,
those drawn with a very fine camel’s hair brush,
others,
those that have just broken a flower vase,
those that resemble flies from a distance.




From 'Other Inquisitions' in which Borges writes of a strange way of classifying animals in an ancient Chinese encyclopaedia. Via Futility Closet. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Help My Mastiff (Not My Business)

I am going to tell you the whole story.

And if can
help to save
my 14 months mastiff; a baby himself.

And if you still feel
like helping you can make some call
on the dog Bruce behalf.

I am trying to understand
that the dog bite a 9 year old kid
that looks like a football player.

My toddles were playing next to the dog
to the neighbors house
and this kid that we do not want

Which the neighbor told him not to go to the back yard
because of the dog. He was there in a minute
hitting the dog on the head

Which my 2 toddles was playing near by. The dog broke the leash
and bite he in the arm. And now
they are going to kill him.

How do we know if the boy was going
to hurt the toddles. There is a lake
like 20 feet away.

What did this boy really want
to do? I guess
we will never know, but neighbors said he is a trouble kid.

He has all his paper work
and not other report of bite. They said
because of the severe of the bit to his arm.

If the dog really wanted to do damage he can he easily
take his arm off or ate it. The boy
had to 36 stitches.

Now we have 2 thing at play here the boy
is really plummie boy with a lot of meat and the second thing the dog
have a huge mouth.

So One bit, easy 36 stitches.




A post on Craigslist in Pets, 29 May 2014. Submitted by Susan Cody.

Supper preferences

When these birds move their wings in flight,
their strokes are slow, moderate and regular,
and even when at a considerable distance

or high above us, we plainly hear the quill-feathers,
their shafts and webs upon one another,
creak as the joints or

working of a vessel in a tempestuous sea.
We had this fowl dressed for supper
and it made excellent soup;

nevertheless as long as I can get any other
necessary food I shall prefer his
seraphic music in the ethereal skies.



William Bartram, in Travels Through North & South Carolina, Georgia, East & West Florida, the Cherokee Country, the Extensive Territories of the Muscogulges, or Creek Confederacy, and the Country of the Chactaws. Spelling modernised. Submitted by Dawn Corrigan.

Sport

About midnight, having fallen asleep,
I was awakened and greatly surprised

at finding most of my companions
up in arms, and furiously engaged

with a large alligator
but a few yards from me.

One of our company, it seems,
awoke in the night, and perceived

the monster within a few paces of the camp,
who giving the alarm to the rest,

they readily came to his assistance,
for it was a rare piece of sport;

some took fire-brands and cast them
at his head, whilst others formed javelins

of saplins, pointed and hardened with fire;
these they thrust down his throat

into his bowels, which caused the monster
to roar and bellow hideously, but his strength

and fury was so great that he easily wrenched
or twisted them out of their hands, which

he wielded and brandished about and kept
his enemies at distance for a time;

some were for putting an end to his life
and sufferings with a rifle ball, but

the majority thought this would too soon
deprive them of the diversion and pleasure

of exercising their various inventions
of torture; they at length however grew tired,

and agreed in one opinion, that he had suffered
sufficiently, and put an end to his existence.



Taken from Travels of William Bartram by William Bartram, published 1928. Submitted by Dawn Corrigan.

Fleeting

The ocean is empty
again. Here and there

a small galaxy of scales
marks where a bluefin

swallowed a herring.
The victim's scales

swirl in the turbulence
of the departed

tuna now bearing off at
high speed. Then each vortex

slows and stops. The sinking
scales gleam like diamonds

from a spilled necklace
then they dim. Finally

they wink out at depth.



From Quicksilver, Kenneth Brower, March 2014, National Geographic. Submitted by James Brush.

It's a long way to fall from a skittish horse.

Horses are not meant to be sat upon.
Too high and fast. Large herbivores –
small brain, strong flight instinct.

The problem here (apart from an approaching rattly lorry,
narrow high-hedged lane, attempted evasive action
and two highly unexpected wheelie bins)
was more the equally small brain,
and total lack of skill or co-ordination,
on the part of the rider.

The lanes are normally very quiet.
We'd mostly been riding in the forest
(though that is full of scary squeaky branches,
suddenly erupting birds, unpredicted falling twigs).
Ah, but those are nature noises.

Machinery represents a threat of a different order:
a parked helicopter,
sabre-toothed bicycles.
And tractors. And buses.

Plastic carrier bags in hedges.
They are the most scary and dangerous of all.
They can eat a horse whole, apparently.



Taken from a Facebook discussion amongst riding enthusiasts about a friend's recent fall from a horse. Submitted by Angi Holden.

Ghost Moose

Some people call them “ghost moose.”
A team on call rushes to the scene by car or helicopter.
So may wolves in Minnesota and the West.

Something’s changed.
That can lead to exhaustion and death.
And no one is sure why.

“If the heart stops beating,
it sends a text message to our phone that says,
‘I’m dead at x and y coordinates,’ ”
said Dr. Butler.

And moose contribute to the economy.
In Smithers, British Columbia, in April,
a moose wandered into the flower section of a Safeway market.

The next few months may provide insight.
“It’s up to the public,” said Ms. Rines, the biologist.
“We could kill more if we want healthy moose.”



Lines selected from Moose Die-Off Alarms Scientists, The New York Times, 14 October 2013. Submitted by Howie Good.

Picasso's cats

I don't like those high-class cats that purr
on the couch in the parlor.
I adore cats that have turned wild,
their hair standing on end.

They hunt birds, prowl,
roam the streets like demons.
They cast their wild eyes at you,
ready to pounce on your face.

Have you noticed that female cats in the wild
are always pregnant?
Obviously, they think of
nothing but love.




From Conversations With Picasso, Brassai (University of Chicago Press, 1999). Submitted by Amy Schreibman Walter.

Crustacean Odyssey

Ever since we were an item,
for years, we had an affinity
for crayfish.

They didn’t stay for long
in the garden.

They didn’t like the pond then
– was it running water?

It was very quick. It didn’t have time
to be un-running.

Did they all go together?
How could they know where to go?

They’ve got eyes and feelers,

Yes, but for underwater, not on land.
And how could they do that, across fields and roads?

I don’t think “road” is in their vocabulary.

I wonder if they went in a line...

What we don’t know is how
they got out of the garden. The fence
it comes right down to the ground.

Maybe a cat killed and ate them -
Oh no, then you’d see the shells.

A cat wouldn’t do that!

Yes it would, if they were moving around.
A cat will eat anything that moves.

Well, they just disappeared.



A conversation between an older man and a younger woman, overhead at breakfast in a Shrewsbury B&B, 2009. Submitted by MsJinnifer.

Sorry to hear about Bubbles

Charlotte commented on your photo
hope you’re ok?
r u not by a computer?
I know you must be feeling bloody sad
u r doin the rite thing 4 her
not to let her suffer
I will try and cheer u up
when i next pass that way
you gave her a lovely life
huggs will comfort u thru the night
her body will slip away quietly
plz stay warm in your water bourne nest
happens to us all
goodnight x x x
Reply with your comment or “like”.



Taken from the last 22 messages in my phone's inbox. Original spelling, case and punctuation preserved. Submitted by Winston Plowes.

Care and feeding of your reindeer

They are inquisitive
It was a lot of trial and error
I started with two, had eight…
it snowballed from there
It is tough at times
There are days you just don't love your job
There is good and bad, but a lot more good
She'd walk onto the stage all by herself
then walk back to me
or hang out with the cellists
She loved the violinists
They died on the same day
Just old. Can't stop that
They went and laid back-to-back
and passed away on the same day
But they lived a good life, that's for sure



Direct speech in the WNY.FM article Reindeer in Hamburg. Submitted by Grace Andreacchi.

Snakes

I don't mind snakes
but sometimes
they've been quite

you know: snakes
going up legs
and snakes everywhere
warm on your skin

lots of snakes
like giant white albino pythons
I don't mind them
so it's all right

I don't mind them
I quite like them
but yeah
if you didn't I mean


Taken from an interview with Kate Moss in The Times, 26th January 2012. The interviewer's questions and some punctuation removed. Submitted by Thom.

Richard Stallman's rider 2

Pets

I like cats if they are friendly,
but they are not good for me;
I am somewhat allergic to them.
This allergy

makes my face itch and my eyes
water. So the bed, and the room
I will usually be staying in,
need to be clean of cat hair.

However, it is no problem
if there is a cat elsewhere
in the house – I might enjoy it
if the cat is friendly.

Dogs that bark angrily
and or jump up on me
frighten me, unless they are small
and cannot reach above my knees.

But if they only bark or jump
when we enter the house,
I can cope, as long as you
hold the dog away from me

at that time. Aside from that
issue, I'm ok with dogs.
If you can find a host for me
that has a friendly parrot,

I will be very very glad.
If you can find someone who
has a friendly parrot I can
visit with, that will be nice too.

DON'T buy a parrot figuring
that it will be a fun surprise
for me. To acquire a parrot
is a major decision:

it is likely to outlive you.
If you don't know how to treat
the parrot, it could be emotionally
scarred and spend many decades

feeling frightened and unhappy.
If you buy a captured wild
parrot, you will promote a cruel
and devastating practice,

and the parrot will be emotionally
scarred before you get it.
Meeting that sad animal
is not an agreeable surprise.



From the detailed requirements that free software activist Richard Stallman sends ahead of his speaking engagements. Omitted words: 'even' (line 11), 'much' (16). Submitted by Gabriel Smy. Part two of a five-part poem.

Like ghosts

cats
tend to exist in
your peripheral
vision

and after a while
you move around the house
in a manner that
accommodates
the expectation of their
presence,

waiting
to trip you up
on the stairs
or suddenly
emerge
from nowhere
and start slow-walking
in front of you
as you try
to get
from room to
room.



From My Life as a Cat Undertaker on the blog Blood & Treasure. Submitted by Ailsa Holland.

We wanted to let you know

The dog Billy died
on a rainy cold evening.
He had stopped eating
and exploratory surgery
found a long cancer.
He fitted right in with us,
his stoic cautious cooperative self.
He was with us for 5 years, perhaps half his life.
It feels very empty here today.
We lit a candle and played the Requiem
by Mozart.



An email from a friend, around 5 years ago, on the death of their dog. Submitted by Karen Greenbaum-Maya.

But if the water becomes deeper still

Positioned in the water in an uncomfortable pose,
afflicted with a relatively high mean density,
suffering from substantially high frictional drag,
and unable to raise and lower its neck
and hence unable to adopt a synchronous gait,
we conclude that giraffes would be very poor swimmers,
and that it might be assumed that they would avoid
this activity if at all possible.



Testing the flotation dynamics and swimming abilities of giraffes by way of computational analysis in the Tetrapod Zoology section of scienceblogs.com. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Swimming a Horse

During seasons of high water, men,
in traversing the plains,
often encounter rivers which rise above
the fording stage, and remain in that condition
for many days, and to await the falling of the water
might involve a great loss of time.

If the traveler be alone, his only way is
to swim his horse; but if he retains
the seat on his saddle,
his weight presses the animal
down into the water,
and cramps his movements very sensibly.

It is a much better plan
to attach a cord to the bridle bit,
and drive him into the stream; then,
seizing his tail, allow him to tow you across.
If he turns out of the course, or attempts to turn back,
he can be checked with the cord, or
by splashing water at his head.

If the rider remains in the saddle,
he should allow the horse to have a loose
rein, and never pull upon it
except when necessary to guide.
If he wishes to steady himself, he can
lay hold upon the mane.



From The Prairie Traveler by Randolph B. Marcy (Perigree Books, 1994, first pub. 1859), pp.62-63. Marcy, a U.S. army captain, wrote the guide at the request of the U.S. War Department. Submitted by Alexa.