I NEED A PHONE!

I NEED TO USE THE PHONE!
NO ONE WILL LET ME USE THE PHONE
Did you try the Shell?
YES!
Did you try the motel up the street?
YES!
I NEED A CIGARETTE
NO ONE WILL LET ME USE THE PHONE!
What do you need the phone for?
I NEED TO CALL MY PHARMACIST BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!
Your pharmacist?
YES!
I NEED TO USE THE PHONE!
NO ON WILL LET ME USE THE PHONE!
CAN I HAVE A CIGARETTE!
Sure. Here you go.
THANKS!
I NEED TO USE THE PHONE!
I NEED TO CALL MY PHARMACIST!
DO YOU HAVE A LIGHT!
Yes, here you go.
I NEEEEEED TO USSSEE THE PHOOOONNNNEEE!
Well I'm sorry I don't have one.
WHY WON'T ANYONE LET ME USE THE PHONE!
I NEED TO CALL MY DEALER!
CAN I USE YOUR PHONE!
DO YOU HAVE AN EXTRA CIGARETTE!
I NEED TO USE THE PHONE!



A conversation I had with a lady near my job at a Family Services office in Surrey, UK, 10 May 2016. Submitted by Wanda Kehewin.

Not given to imagination

Mummy, I’m not afraid to die.
Why do you talk of dying
and you so young
do you want a lollipop?

No, but I shall be with Peter and June.

Mummy, let me tell you about my dream last night.
Darling, I’ve no time now. Tell me again later.

No, Mummy, you must listen.
I dreamt I went to school
and there was no school there.
Something black had come down all over it.
You mustn’t have chips for supper for a bit.

The next day off to school went her daughter
as happy as ever.
In the communal grave she was buried
with Peter on one side
and June on the other.



Dialogue from an account of 10-year-old Eryl Mai's premonition of the 1966 Aberfan avalanche disaster, via Futility Closet. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Prosciutto

When I was young, there was one kind of prosciutto.
It was made in the winter, by hand, and aged for two years.
It was sweet when you smelled it.
A profound perfume.

If it's too warm, the aging process never begins.
The meat spoils.
If it's too dry, the meat is ruined.
It needs to be damp but cool.

The summer is too hot.
In the winter—that's when you make salumi.
Your prosciutto.
Your soppressata.
Your sausages.



An old Italian butcher talking about making prosciutto, via Bill Buford, according to Wikipedia. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Cold hands

Feel me 'ands.
Go on, feel em.
Freezing.
I've got gloves in me bag,
can't wear em.
Make me 'ands cold.
Got em off our Mandy for Christmas.
I'll wear them next week though.
Going down to see our Mandy.
Look at me fingers.
Blue wi' cold they are.
Feel me 'ands.
They're freezing.



A customer in my place of work, January 2013. Submitted by Pauline.

Commuter Chat

I have a vision of the universe
– because nobody can find the end of it –
as stuffed in a glass jar
on someone's desk,
maybe God's desk
but a desk, anyway.

I think the white noise on TV
is the leftover noise
from the Big Bang.




Overheard at Macclesfield station, March 2013. Submitted by Ailsa Holland.

This is our island

We have water all around us, and in these lochs,
and we have the boat –
and there were porpoises – we
have to cross the causeway… These
great big rocks.

This is Raasay, this is Skye; there is nothing
as far as the North Pole.
The sea was like a millpond, the sky was
a great… American blue.

We could never imagine ourselves alone,
with the sheep… and the gulls were laughing
like people.

There are yachts that just arrive
in the North Inlet,
and people arrive in bad weather
and we bring them in.

Here is the croft, with the white walls;
the tide is low here.
This photograph,
this is our island.



My friend's Mum, in her kitchen, talking about photographs of their holidays on an island off the west coast of Scotland. Just as it was. Submitted by Kerry Featherstone.

Last Act

They came to stay
For days and days
To support me, be with me
At this sad time.

Drove me to the store
Then waited outside
At a respectful distance
From the cash register

They went to the cinema
Made me a sandwich
Giving me space
To be alone

They want to be sure
Everything is organised
To take some of the strain
Like finding the Will.

I have it.
I`m in it.
They`re not.



A conversation with an elderly bereaved relative, 18 January 2013. Submitted by Yanto Cramer.

Wanting

I mean I actually have to
physically
send him a link
to the thing I want.

I mean I would almost
rather him not buy anything for me...
because he just goes
and buys me something

really SHIT. And he's started being
really funny about it, like now
he buys me something
and says I probably won't like it

even before I unwrap it. And I
just said to him that it's better for me
to SAY I don't like it and take it back,
than to pretend. And

I must have mentioned like
twice a day that I want
some stacking rings. But he
sees that as like an engagement ring,

like I'd MARRY him
for Christ's sake. I mean if I want
to find out what HE wants
I would ask his friends.

Why doesn't he do that? Oh, and then
he goes online to Sophie
to ask what I want
and she tells him that I want

some black jeans and this poster
I linked to on Facebook, and he
just didn't pay ANY ATTENTION to her...
Yes but I shouldn't have to say

what I want.



A phone conversation overheard on the train from London to Pewsey, 4.36pm on Wednesday 19th December. Submitted by Jo Bell.

Mother Tongue

John have you got your umbrella
I think it's going to rain. Can you
come play with me? If I told you
once I told you a hundred times.

Things here just aren't the same without
Mother, I will now sign your
affectionate brother James. Oh
what am I going to do? So

I said to her I said if he
thinks she's going to stand for that but
then there's his arthritis poor thing
and no work. I love you. I hate

you. I hate liver. Joan dear did
you feed the sheep, don't just stand around
mooning. Tell me what they said, tell
me what you did. Oh how my feet

do hurt. My heart is breaking. Touch
me here, touch me again. Once bit
twice shy. You look like what the cat
dragged in. What a beautiful night.

Good morning, hello, goodbye, have
a nice day, thanks. God damn you to
hell you lying cheat. Pass the soy
sauce please. Oh shit. Is it grandma's

own sweet pretty dear? What am I
going to tell her? There there don't
cry. Go to sleep now, go to sleep....
Don't go to sleep!


Taken from a commencement address given by Ursula le Guin at Bryn Mawr College, 1986. Submitted by Jim.

Distance

Well
I guess it all comes down
to you thinking you're smarter than me
and me thinking I'm smarter than you.



Taken from a conversation with a friend at 1am on the 4th September, 2012. Submitted by Wesley Brown.