Grundy remarked let slip

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A spam comment posted to my content strategy blog SmyWord on 13 April 2010. The links are removed but the blue colour of the links left in. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Dog Injures Nose

POLICE in Ringwood
are investigating
the circumstances surrounding
an injury to a dog’s nose.

A woman was walking
her dog and puppy,
when her puppy ran off.

Her dog ran after
the puppy but collided
with a male dog walker
and his dog.

The woman's dog
received an injury
to his nose.



From the Salisbury Journal, 24th April 2010. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Orwell's Bane

An exploration of body psychotherapy
in the coaching context; The role

of Perceptual Positions in discovering

new options; An understanding of the Problem

Pyramid and accessing a client’s secondary

gain; Accessing conscious and unconscious

material through specific and vague questioning

techniques; Working with memories;

A deep awareness of human communication

and coaching using psychometrics

What is included in Toward Consulting's 'Purposeful Coach' programme, according to the email I received 22 April 2010. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

The back of a bus

He likes you,
He's got money,
and a car.
What. Is. Your. Problem.





By Mark, overheard in the back of the number 18 bus in Cambridge UK, 16 April 2010.

Paternity

You must be able to declare that
you are the baby's biological father,
or
married to or in a civil partnership
with the mother,
or
living with the mother in
an enduring family relationship,
but
are not an immediate relative,
and
you will be responsible
for the child's upbringing,
and
you will take time off work
to support the mother
or care for the child.

You must be continually employed
by the same employer
for at least twenty-six weeks
by the end of the fifteenth week
before the week
the baby is due.

You must then continue to be employed
by the same employer
until the date
the baby is born.

You
cannot start your paternity leave
before the child is born.
You
can choose to take one or two
whole weeks leave,
but not two separate weeks,
which must end by the fifty-sixth day
after the date of birth.
If the baby is born early
you
can choose to take your leave
any time between the actual date of birth
and the end of an eight week period
starting from the Sunday
of the week the baby
was originally due.
You
cannot take odd days off work,
but the weeks can start on any day,
for example,
from Tuesday to Monday.

You must discuss your leave plans
with your employer
and tell them what time off you want
by the fifteenth week
before the week
the baby is due.

Your employer can tell you when this is,
if you are not sure.

Part of the explanation on the HMRC Statutory Paternity Pay/paternity leave form, page 1. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Head of Service

Prepares the detailed revenue and
capital budgets reflecting the strategic
direction indicated by the Director.

Ensures new initiatives and legislative
requirements are considered as
appropriate

Receives reports from the operational
budget holders on performance against
budget

Where appropriate, approves virements
within the financial limits set out with
Financial Regulations, or refers to the
Director for action

Reviews regularly the value for money
of the service delivery arrangements

Ensures compliance with proper
accounting guidance and practice by
following advice and guidance from
finance

By Andrew, from Part 4c, Essex County Council Constitution - Scheme of Delegation for Financial Management.

When I Saw It

I enjoyed this film when I saw it,
but it didn’t last.
It didn’t last…

need to cry,
don't know why
when will the melancholy lift?

By Liz, who combined two tweets from @drgonzolives, with a hyperlink removed.

The seven years invasion

I was in a brothel in Valencia,
on honeymoon (long story).

Drunk on a cocktail of champagne,
orange juice, and possibly gin.

We were there for the Fallas festival,
and mistook the news footage of the invasion
for televised fireworks.



Post on the blog deeplyflawedbuttrying asking the question where were you when you heard about the Iraq invasion? Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Poems from the Menu Bar #5

Illustrator/Edit

Undo, redo, cut, copy, paste.
Paste in front, paste in back,
Clear, find and replace.

Find next, check spelling,
edit custom dictionary,
define pattern, edit
original, transparency

flattener presets. Print

presets, PDF presets,

color settings, assign

profile, keyboard shortcuts.

The 'Edit' drop down menu in the computer program Illustrator, punctuated. If you like this, try #1 and #2-#4. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Over Vegas

Far above the bored, scuffling, T-Shirt
and cellulite wearing masses flown in
from trailer parks across the nation,
ten-story video signs project
images of dancing chorus lines,
rhinestone-studded; of strippers with plain faces,
their makeup having been ladled on
with a bricklayer’s trowel to distract onlookers
from that fact; and of seemingly never
ending traveling shots of cafeteria
cuisine. These electronic billboards, run
by computer servers filling concrete
catacombs beneath the hotel casinos,
also occasionally announce the LIVE!
ON STAGE! appearance of what look like
knuckle-dragging brutes bumbled in from
the Pleistocene via a time warp.

At gutter level, meticulously
unkempt somebodies lumber in and out
of the darkened mouths of caves, which are
the doorways of momentarily trendy
nightclubs. Nearby, an imitation
volcano erupts. Light from the fake lava
plays on tattoos, once popular among
pier corner whores but which now adorn
the delicate ankles of long-limbed women
with million dollar smiles spread across
dime-store faces. 



Level with the gutter runs
an asphalt Boulevard over which rides
the latest in high technology
metallurgical skill and, after market,
pimped-up shrines to the owners’ vanity
and insecurity. A crystal angel
sparkles as it swings from the rear-view
mirror of one modern convertible,
just stopped at a red light. Chrome-framed mud flaps
shine behind the rear wheels of a pickup truck
as it passes, its retreating back window
plastered with the white decal of a Christian
icon surrounded by a delicate
wreath of roses.

Traveling north, the
Boulevard becomes a Main Street as it turns
into yesterday's downtown. More neon
cascades down the sides of dirty walls, red
and yellow light splashing the windows
of the Greyhound bus station across the street.
Turning east, a crumbling side street shortly
passes first a Bronx modern city hall,
smug and prim in its paternalism;
then, the rotting remains of retail ventures;
paint peeled apartment flophouses; and,
finally, a fence festooned with hubcaps.
Farther on, cracker box houses—their windows
and doors wrought iron barred—traipse down a slovenly
slope, the value of the lots on which they slouch
officiously inflated by the local
property appraiser. A fluorescent glow
haunts the sidewalk outside a corner
Laundromat, in whose ghostly glimmer stand
the emaciated and the bovine.
Expensive headers gracing the butt-end
of automotive wrecks shriek by. The street
soon propagates a rat’s maze of walled-up drives,
lanes and circles. Within those cement bulwarks
erected to a fastidious paranoia
and a paucity of police presence,
lie neighborhoods of tract housing: two thousand
square feet of uniform, building-code-commanded,
Spanish-styled homes sitting on two thousand
one hundred square feet of desert dirt,
goose-stepping off into the darkness.

Welcome to fatuous Las Vegas!

Someone called Steven posted this comment (#203) on The Big Picture photo blog, 12 March 2010, in response to aerial photographs of New York City and Las Vegas. I added a few missing hyphens. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

In the Vegetable Orchestra

Then, let's introduce the vegetable musical
instruments that can have been done this time.

It is a carrot ocarina first.

And, it is an ocarina of a white radish
in Japan that can have done this time.

The broccoli ocarina was made.

A good sound was not heard because only
such a broccoli was obtained this time.

And, a carrot ocarina of the slide type
and this carrot ocarina is different
the sound hole. When the breath is put here,
something is heard. It shaped … so …

The paprika was punctured.
When the breath is put here,
such a sound is heard.
It is an owl.

Similarly asparagus panpipe was made.
However, a good sound is not heard.
It is a trumpet of the cucumber
and the paprika in the end.

There were musical instruments that looked
alike also in the vegetable orchestra.



Suggested by Jason Davies. Composed from the subtitles on a YouTube clip in which a man demonstrates musical instruments made from vegetables. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

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These are recent spam comments, with the authors in parentheses, posted on my content strategy blog SmyWord. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.