In the Beginning

On days one to two: Wees –
two or more per day; Poos –
one or more per day;
Poo at this stage is called meconium
or mec for short. It's very dark
brown green black and sticky
and it's already in the bowel
at the time of birth.

On days three to four: Wees –
three or more per day; The
amount of wee increases,
and the nappies feel heavier than before.
Poos – two or more per day;
The colour changes and looks more green.
These poos are called 'changing stools'
and they change because your baby
is taking in more milk and digesting it.

On days five to six: Wees –
five or more heavy nappies per day;
(see what heavy means overleaf).
Poos – At least two soft, yellow poos
per day; They're yellow, because there is
no more mec in the bowel.

Day seven onwards: Wees –
six or more heavy nappies per day;
Poos – at least two soft, yellow poos
per day; greater than the size of a two pound coin
– not just skid marks. You might notice
little seedy particles in it – that's fine.



Taken from the National Childbirth Trust notes 'What's in a nappy', attached to the cots in the delivery unit at Addenbrooke's Hospital. 16 May 2010. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

A silent fall of immense snow

He moved

forward a few

fine chattering gems.

He knew exactly who would

now sneeze calmly through an open
door. Had there been another year

of peace the battalion would have made
a floating system of perpetual drainage.

A silent fall of immense snow came near oily
remains of the purple-blue supper on the table.

We drove on in our old sunless walnut. Presently
classical eggs ticked in the new afternoon shadows.

We were instructed by my cousin Jasper not to exercise by country
house visiting unless accompanied by thirteen geese or gangsters.

The modern American did not prevail over the pair of redundant bronze puppies.
The worn-out principle is a bad omen which I am never glad to ransom on purpose.

By Jim. This is a Snellen chart (used to test eyesight) taken from the Oxford Handbook of Clinical Specialties, 2007.

Seriously

Please, I need help.
I’ve had marital problems
- Honey, I think it’s time that we start talking about a divorce.
Larry, we’re gonna be fine.
...professional, you name it
- Larry, we’ve received a number of letters denigrating you
and, er, urging us not to grant you tenure
I need help
We’re gonna be fine.
I’ve tried to be a serious man
We’re gonna be fine.
I’ve tried to do right, be a member of the community
We’re gonna be fine.
Please, just tell him I need help, please?
We’re gonna be fine.
I need help.
We’re gonna be fine.

The rabbi is busy.
He didn’t look busy.
He’s thinking.



From the trailer for A Serious Man, 11th May 2010. Submitted by Marika Rose.

Ecce homo

This is the man.
What does the man think of grey and white?
The man likes grey and white, of course.
"Man should be brave."
Ah oui. And what does he think of blue?
It's perfect.



From the windows of a French Connection shop in Leeds, 9th May 2010. Submitted by Marika Rose.

Election Day Warning

Warning to voters
You will commit
A serious offence
(personation)*
if you:

Vote in person
or by post as
some other person,
whether as an elector
or as proxy,
and whether that other person is living or dead
or is a fictitious person.

Vote in person
or by post as
proxy - for a person you know
or you have reasonable grounds for
supposing to be dead
or a fictitious person;
or when you know
or have reasonable grounds for supposing
that your appointment as proxy
is no longer in force.

*Unless you are acting
as someone's formally appointed proxy.

You are guilty of
an offence
if you:

Vote in person
or by post, whether as an elector or as proxy
or apply to vote by proxy
or by post as elector,
knowing that you are subject
to a legal incapacity to vote at the election.

Apply for the appointment of a proxy to vote
for you at an election knowing that you
or the person to be appointed is subject
to a legal incapacity to vote at the election.

Vote, whether in person
or by post, as proxy
for some other person at an election,
knowing that person is subject
to a legal incapacity to vote.

Vote more than once** whether by post
or in person, or as proxy
and in the same electoral area.

*Unless you are acting
as someone's formally appointed proxy,
or unless two or more elections are
being held together and
you are entitled to a vote in each.

You will commit
a serious offence
You could face imprisonment or
a fine if found guilty.



From a polling station poster in Langley Moor, 6th May 2010. Submitted by Marika Rose.

This house

Council is example of bureaucracy gone mad
Council devoid of common sense
Different rules for different folk
Planners are sterile bureaucratic vandals.

Gateshead planners are philistines
Gateshead planners think 400 votes count for nothing
Thank you -
Not surprising to have more local support than elected councillors.

The buffoons
Can't see
Won't listen
Don't speak

Your local councillors
Who do they think they work for
Council's abuse of powers lamentable
Council are not even handed
Councillors are devoid of grey matter.

Wrong use of power
Planners cannot loose face
Surprise surprise this lot want our votes

This house is detrimental to the area.


From signs plastered all over the windows of a house in Gateshead, 4th May 2010. Submitted by Marika Rose.

Grundy remarked let slip

Grundy remarked let slip safely cross shall take small price dropped money at gas stations only generated with jewels smart girl but try ome closer joyleen dice michigan child even racto howled seemed inclined her breasts than leaving red or black formal dress chief considered undane version whether the readily solved that makes high flow low pressure air compressor stay with the wrong remarkable gift walk back can affect pirates cove treasure knew that dark shapes torso pressed for similar your set first five san bernardino servations are cold inside husband was not been somewhat like ll moyers four kinds of activists remain longer she might circled the probably here extra eyes jacks or better on excite against the himself away bats swarmed ncarnation she language into forever twenty one atlanta urely this olph fought light toward are all magic mirror dod payline officially made the oncoming married her asked for goblins took red eyes on sick dog olph wanted were abraded tapestry that sudden downdraft hat kind egm magizine three girls more intense was wondering match for not diminish i love reality big brother six golden vegetation goblin form the spirit what counts small tingle double street sign banished because ada saw much harder certain compelling mutual agreement poker bankroll management bags dropped his room poke their annoy her and bottom hang straight up form for the momentary teeth bit spun off next question easy dice games about food that this swung over the bear mouths gaping download pictures from blackjack inquired guardedly opened out ust hold roads looked should inquire rite way house leveling ortunately not can take been known then approached his fangs free down load card games man had after they the blow know these aversion for where did fuzzy dice come from recognized the this had was then marks the all around cole brothers circus discount tickets worm called could save and departed that expression tender body jacks or better free play been good eleven years seeming life olph grimaced erhaps that buy awp was beyond even scare for that leaving the fter several from full house stephanie other kinds any time sounded bad hen return wrist was deuces wild characters quiltlike floor stay clear bumped down but these into progress free bonus round slots well satisfied hat sailboat rlene fathomed started crying put him fruit machine emulator downloads she spoke the fireplace colors not with something learn quickly gaming machine cheats illusion puffed curse had stand vertically with each most utterly red engliah bulldogs got there his speed other plants nothing untoward the betrayal discovercard down skeletons had was impressive itness has the breeze stronger than high current low voltage transformer and closer olph inhaled small clearing this isle hey gouged upper back shoulders neck hands feet other necessitie cave ended but desperatio creature vote this disaster even or odd worksheets not said now knew stayed back think about winding path blackjack and caribbean stud in casinos was reach want you merwoman had said hotly become betrothed fruit machines home use how tired little trouble seeing the would happen land when baseball wild card closing and progress when and quickly hey tried her lover jack nickolson the joker picture costume his troop suddenly very said anything your assistance forested mountain dew-point comes in contact with and watched condemned for two together arrows and mean that buying fruit machines undania right winner and are invisible indeed used more fruit play free pai gow four hours pits here ent you any mistake him more poker run rides in creston wv ing snapped agician always that far recognized bravery ffectively invisible backseat hand job year the meal with were made regret being olph pushed wild card hostesses see whether was just her alive domestic service had those lyrics going on twenty-one bones when monster hunt plaque set olph inquired ask him overdrive let it ride instead she reputation precedes eyond the one path present seemed bonus fun games ditionally awakened square buildings distant one guess these glanced around half way house for sex offenders most outrageous herself with fingers were clumsy flier ith these egm services inc dangling down the developmen all focusing will send boat tilted one one twenty twenty incomplete coverlet overtake.

A spam comment posted to my content strategy blog SmyWord on 13 April 2010. The links are removed but the blue colour of the links left in. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Dog Injures Nose

POLICE in Ringwood
are investigating
the circumstances surrounding
an injury to a dog’s nose.

A woman was walking
her dog and puppy,
when her puppy ran off.

Her dog ran after
the puppy but collided
with a male dog walker
and his dog.

The woman's dog
received an injury
to his nose.



From the Salisbury Journal, 24th April 2010. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Orwell's Bane

An exploration of body psychotherapy
in the coaching context; The role

of Perceptual Positions in discovering

new options; An understanding of the Problem

Pyramid and accessing a client’s secondary

gain; Accessing conscious and unconscious

material through specific and vague questioning

techniques; Working with memories;

A deep awareness of human communication

and coaching using psychometrics

What is included in Toward Consulting's 'Purposeful Coach' programme, according to the email I received 22 April 2010. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

The back of a bus

He likes you,
He's got money,
and a car.
What. Is. Your. Problem.





By Mark, overheard in the back of the number 18 bus in Cambridge UK, 16 April 2010.

Paternity

You must be able to declare that
you are the baby's biological father,
or
married to or in a civil partnership
with the mother,
or
living with the mother in
an enduring family relationship,
but
are not an immediate relative,
and
you will be responsible
for the child's upbringing,
and
you will take time off work
to support the mother
or care for the child.

You must be continually employed
by the same employer
for at least twenty-six weeks
by the end of the fifteenth week
before the week
the baby is due.

You must then continue to be employed
by the same employer
until the date
the baby is born.

You
cannot start your paternity leave
before the child is born.
You
can choose to take one or two
whole weeks leave,
but not two separate weeks,
which must end by the fifty-sixth day
after the date of birth.
If the baby is born early
you
can choose to take your leave
any time between the actual date of birth
and the end of an eight week period
starting from the Sunday
of the week the baby
was originally due.
You
cannot take odd days off work,
but the weeks can start on any day,
for example,
from Tuesday to Monday.

You must discuss your leave plans
with your employer
and tell them what time off you want
by the fifteenth week
before the week
the baby is due.

Your employer can tell you when this is,
if you are not sure.

Part of the explanation on the HMRC Statutory Paternity Pay/paternity leave form, page 1. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Head of Service

Prepares the detailed revenue and
capital budgets reflecting the strategic
direction indicated by the Director.

Ensures new initiatives and legislative
requirements are considered as
appropriate

Receives reports from the operational
budget holders on performance against
budget

Where appropriate, approves virements
within the financial limits set out with
Financial Regulations, or refers to the
Director for action

Reviews regularly the value for money
of the service delivery arrangements

Ensures compliance with proper
accounting guidance and practice by
following advice and guidance from
finance

By Andrew, from Part 4c, Essex County Council Constitution - Scheme of Delegation for Financial Management.