You Latinist

You Latinist?
I doubt it.
Nah lad.
You alive?
Year man, hope so.
I’ve survived on ice cream.

It’s all good in the hood
thank you
prick.
I’m gonna get cained and wash-up
In the bath. Ahhh

The new terms will take effect from
7:30 pm
with balls and like a man.
Start your year helping someone else –
Just destroy the toilet and leave non alive.




Lines picked at random from recent text messages received by class members of the year 2 Music Practice Degree at UCLAN (Preston University). Submitted by Winston Plowes with contributions (in order) from DF, TF, AL, BE, JH, KM, JH, MG, SO, LG, JL, CE, NW, CH and MM.

Dear Professor,

I have been feeling dizzy and lightheaded this morning
and want to let you know
that I will not be making it to class.

I am currently in bed with a migraine.
Unfortunately, they happen from time to time.

I'm really not feeling well again today
so I think I have to miss class again.

I'm in a class right now where I'll be taking a test,
but I've been sick for a while (coughing, throat,
headache, etc.) and don't know if I'll have the energy
to sit in a classroom for three hours.

I'm currently experiencing bad wheelchair problems
that will, as of now, render me unable to get to class tomorrow.

Just reminding you that I am missing class Thursday
to attend the SUNY Model EU summit
in New York City as a part of the Press Corps.

I had to miss today's journalism class due to heart palpitations.

Please excuse my absence tomorrow,
a family friend committed suicide and I rushed home.

I will get the notes from a classmate.



E-mails received from students during spring and fall 2013 semesters at SUNY New Paltz. Submitted by Howie Good.

Monica Grove 1B, 1530

Five rooms
All postgrads
But the one guy who was there
wasn't wearing a shirt
was listening to awful dance music
loudly
and didn't turn it down.
Not a home.
More like a student flat
per Mackenzie Road, with more
obviously objectionable occupants.



From notes a friend took when he went flat hunting. I found them in an A-Z he gave me. Submitted by Nija Dalal.