One of the things about working on capital cases all your life is that you keep things in proportion.

Unless
you've got
an execution date,
it can damn well wait
until Wilf
has had
his bedtime story.

If there is
an execution date,
Wilf
will understand.



Taken from an interview with Clive Stafford Smith, ‘My Family Values,’ Guardian Weekend, 16 November 2013. Submitted by Ailsa Holland.

The Rules

Trust no one.
Keep something back
Not everyone is subject to rules
Don’t walk away
Don’t let go of the cliff
There are clues everywhere
All rumours are true
Trust no one, least of all yourself
Don’t look back
There is no such thing as truth.



Taken from Meg Rosoff's What I Was, 2007. Submitted by Angi Holden.

Of the farm

The shrubbery
in the terrace gardens
has so many
great contrasting colors.
The yellow barberry
has turned a russet shade,
the boxwood is browning a bit,
and the teucrium remains dusty green.
Most trees have dropped their leaves,
but there are still some holding on.
The orange trees in the distance are gum,
whose leaves stay on quite late.
All of the boxwood will soon be
covered over
with burlap
for the winter
to protect them
from damaging winds
and heavy snow.



Photo captions from the blog post More Stunning Shots Of The Farm by Martha Stewart. Submitted by Kelly Jones.

Making a mental pro-con list about winter

You can get a cold drink of water from the top,
without waiting for it to run cold.
Hats.
When it snows you can pretend it's Narnia.
Putting the heating on,
feeling like you're defeating winter!
Soup, hotpot, stew, all those slow cooker meals
you don't make when it's warm.

Dark nights, running in the rain,
moonlit walks up Shining Tor
(best with frost or ideally snow on ground),
sitting in the warm playing music
watchin the 'weather' outside,
wrapping up warm to go out,
drying out again when you've taken the dog out,
cold winter days up in the hills
with views across Cheshire.

It is acceptable, nay encouraged, to eat meals
that consist entirely of carbs and cheese.
Boots + woolly tights.
CRUMBLE.

Snuggling by the fire under a duvet
with a baileys hot chocolate
Sledges.
Your winter festival of choice.
Scarves and gloves. Snow.
Snowball fights with people who are too nice to play evilly.
Building snow creatures.
The snow silence. The icing look of it.

Hot chocolate. Marshmallows optional.
Haw frost on spiders' webs.
And on the edges of leaves. And coating long grasses.
Oh, and the return of geese from warmer climates.

Moaning about the weather.



Taken from a Facebook discussion about the onset of winter. Some points omitted. Submitted by Angi Holden

Breathing deeply

Buy dishes at a thrift show
and break them in a safe place.
Or put them in a paper bag
and hit with a hammer.

Draw a face of someone you’re mad at
and jump on the paper,
or tear it up. Scream.
Scream in the shower.
Scream into a pillow.

Stuff a pillowcase with grass,
draw a face on it,
and hit it. Chew gum —
imagine you are biting the person.

Do an angry dance to music.
Growl into a mirror. Make faces.

Throw a wet washcloth against the wall
in the bathtub. Squeeze a towel.
Punch a pillow. Hit a mattress
with a tennis racket. Pound clay.
Tear magazines. Tape
the bottom of your shoe
with the name of person
you are mad at and walk around.

Sometimes the body feels very tired.
Write all the bad words you can think of.



From a list of Things To Do to Express Anger Safely from the Violet Solomon Oaklander Foundation. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Observance

Twenty-fourth of May
Vesak, the Day
of the Full Moon,
Twelfth of June
World day against child labour,
Tenth of December

Human rights day,
World sight day,
World book
and copyright day.

Third Sunday in November
World Day of Remembrance
for Road Traffic Victims, First of October
International Day of Older
Persons, Eleventh to twelfth of May
World Migratory Bird Day.

International migrants day,
International women's day,
International mountain day,
International widows' day.

International Day of Forests and the Tree,
International Day of Sport for Development and Peace.



From the United Nations list of international days for observance. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Soft-soaping

Blowfly-minded
Retardate worm
Clown of the House

Idle vapourings of a mind diseased
I would cut the honourable gentleman’s
throat if I had the chance

His brains could revolve inside a peanut shell
for a thousand years without touching the sides
Kind of animal that gnaws holes

Member not fit to lick
the shoes of the Prime Minister
Energy of a tired snail returning
home from a funeral

Shut up yourself, you great ape
Snotty-nosed little boy
You are a cheap little twerp
Ridiculous mouse

Could go down the Mount Eden sewer and come up
cleaner than he went in
Dreamed the bill up in the bath
Frustrated warlord



Phrases deemed 'unparliamentary language' and banned from New Zealand parliamentary debates, as listed on Futility Closet, 30th October 2013. Submitted by Marika.

Ghost Moose

Some people call them “ghost moose.”
A team on call rushes to the scene by car or helicopter.
So may wolves in Minnesota and the West.

Something’s changed.
That can lead to exhaustion and death.
And no one is sure why.

“If the heart stops beating,
it sends a text message to our phone that says,
‘I’m dead at x and y coordinates,’ ”
said Dr. Butler.

And moose contribute to the economy.
In Smithers, British Columbia, in April,
a moose wandered into the flower section of a Safeway market.

The next few months may provide insight.
“It’s up to the public,” said Ms. Rines, the biologist.
“We could kill more if we want healthy moose.”



Lines selected from Moose Die-Off Alarms Scientists, The New York Times, 14 October 2013. Submitted by Howie Good.

Anonymous Caller

You you you
and and and and
and you can
in in in
in in in in
in in in in in.



A voicemail recording sent to a work computer and translated from a series of caller busy beeps into words by Microsoft Speech Technology, 21st October 2013. Submitted by Ross McCleary.

Coffee

Coffee
A beverage consisting of
A decoction or infusion of
The roasted ground or crushed seeds of
The two-seeded fruit of
Certain coffee trees
The seeds
Or fruit
Themselves any tropical tree or shrub of
The genus Coffea of
The madder family
Especially
C. arabica
And
C.canephora
Cultivated commercially
Compare Arabian Coffee
Robusta Coffee
A cup of coffee
We ordered four coffees and
Three doughnuts
A social gathering
at which coffee and
Other refreshments
Are served



The definition of coffee at Dictionary.com. Submitted by Christian Smith.

Most unusual

It was the most unusual inquest
since the Tory MP met his maker
trussed up like a boil-in-a-bag duck à l’orange –
with a noose round his neck
a bin-liner over his head
and a satsuma
stuffed in his mouth.




From So that’s why they’re called the Funny People, Mail Online, 3 May 2012. Submitted by Tim Benjamin.

News of the day

Shutdown ends
default dodged

Dodgers refuse
to go quietly



The front page and sports page headlines from the Times Herald-Record, 17th October 2013. Submitted by J R Solonche.