A Certain Plant

I have written a monograph on a certain plant.
The plant lies before me;
I am just turning over a folded coloured plate.
A dried specimen of the plant,
as though from a herbarium,
is bound up with every copy.

From Freud's Interpretation of Dreams: 'Dream of a Botanical Monograph'. Submitted by Marika Rose.

Careering path

Intend to work

analytically, confidently

in

an ambitious and self

motivating atmosphere,

which would lead to

overall development

of my personality,

thus serving

the esteemed organization

efficiently, ultimately

paving a path to

a long lasting

and rewarding relationship.

A 'career objective' in the C.V. of an applicant hoping to join my company this week. Submitted by Alan Mitchell.

100 poems

Sex and dirty dishes by Marika is the 100th poem to be published on Verbatim.

Reaching 100 is a tiny milestone, but pleasing nevertheless. The blog is not quite a year old. Most gratifying of all, regardless of timescale, is the variety and quality of poetry sent in by friends and strangers.

Poems have been derived from ceilidh calls, Twitter, gravestones and fudge packets. They have been about murder, bras and emissions (warning – not the carbon kind). One even features a dead Pakistani. They have been submitted by commuters and academics, pinched from 6 year-olds or arrived secretly from anonymous members of the Parachute Regiment.

And for poetry pulled out of ordinary words, they have been remarkably, well, poetic. As well as the haiku and nonet, we have published a prose poem, plenty of free verse, and several verses that rhyme, albeit some hilariously contrived.

So thank you to everyone who has contributed, and to everyone who has enjoyed the poems so far and spread the word. I would love to publish another 100, so please continue to do exactly that: send in your poems from ordinary life, and tell at least one other person about the blog.

Noticing poetry in the ordinary words around us might seem like only a bit of fun. But I can't help thinking that the ability to call beauty out of the mundane is rather more significant than that.

Time will tell. For now let's enjoy another 100.

Gabriel

Sex and dirty dishes

Jana offers the following assessment:
You know, I wouldn't say you
doing the dishes for me
is better than sex...but it's close.

I laugh and laugh.
I understand, I say,
You know,
I bet if we called all your friends tonight
and asked them the question,
'Would you rather have sex
with your husband tonight
or have him wash the dishes?'
that 100% would say
'Wash the dishes.'
She agrees.

But I have a crazy idea.
Let's put this to the test! I say,
Let's call your friends and pose the question.

So Jana starts making calls.
Asking wife after wife the question:
If you could have sex with your husband tonight
or have him do the dishes
what would you choose?

The results rolled in.
Like election night.
And the verdict?
100%

Do the dishes.



From the blog Experimental Theology. Submitted by Marika Rose. This is the 100th poem to be published on Verbatim!

Burglary by Ruse and Escapade

I'm afraid my burning passion overrode my conscience
It may appear selfish, but I felt the books had been abandoned.
They were covered with dust and pigeon droppings,
and I felt no one consulted them anymore.
There was also the thrill of adventure –
I was very scared of being found out.

The words of Stanislas Gosse when convicted of 'burglary by ruse and escapade' for stealing ancient books from Mont Saint-Odile monastery. He climbed the walls at night and entered through a secret door in a cupboard. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Tom Hobson

Tom Hobson suggested
you become
a fan of Tom Hobson.
Tom became
a fan of Tom Hobson
on Facebook
and suggested
you become a fan too.

The subject line and main text from an email I received from Facebook today. Name changed. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Application to renew the photo on a driving licence

Be taken of the full head. Be
in sharp focus and clear. Be free
of any reflection
or glare from glasses. Have been taken
in the last month and be a true
likeness of you.
Not have any shadow in it. Be
a colour photo (we
will not accept black and white
photos). Be taken against a light
grey or cream background. Not be
damaged, torn or marked. Be free
from redeye.

Not have anything covering your face.
Not wear a hat or head covering unless
this is for a medical or
religious reason. Be facing for-
ward and looking straight at the camera. Have your
eyes open. Look natural but without expression
(your mouth should be closed, you should not be grinning,
frowning or raising your eyebrows). Not wear
sunglasses, tinted glasses or have your hair
across your eyes. Not wear
glasses if the frames cover your
eyes (we recommend that you remove your

glasses).

These are the standards for UK driving licence photos according to the application form. The first stanza is: 'Your photo must…', the second: 'You must…'. I have changed the list order but nothing else. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

"Lima Delta"

November. Zulu Hotel, Quebec.
Oscar tango Juliet, echo foxtrot.
Yankee papa – golf, whiskey.

India sierra. Alfa Romeo.
Uniform xray "Victor" Mike
– kilo charlie.

Bravo.

Spotted the NATO phonetic alphabet pinned to the wall in a call centre yesterday and wondered if I could make a story by rearranging it. NB Lima Delta is a derogatory term in the military. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Bibliomerton

A Shiver of Fear,
The Song of Thunder Where the Quaggy Bends
Beware! Beware! Scribble Boy! A World of Fairy Tales,
Flying Upside Down and Inky Pinky Ponky,
The Sterkarm Handshake and The Subtle Knife
but not The Carpenter or the Lion Adventure or the Hard Way Home

By Bec, reading bookshelves in Homerton College.

Found

A black glove was found
In one of ground
Floor corridors
This morning.

It’s Woollen,
Large and
Black
With a ‘Thinsulate’ label on.

It’s in reception.

Email sent to users of my Computer Lab building. Submitted by Tom Cashman.

A thousand kim

Police, police, Henry and Frankie.
Oh, oh, dog biscuits and when he
is happy he doesn’t get snappy.

I am a pretty good pretzler.
Winifred. Department of Justice.
I even get it from the department.

Please, I had nothing with him.
He was a cowboy in one
of the seven-days-a-week fight.

There are only ten of us. There ten million
fighting somewhere of you, so get your onions up
and we will throw up the truce flag.

No payrolls, no walls, no coupons.
That would be entirely out.
Oh, sir, get the doll a roofing.

The sidewalk was in trouble and the bears
were in trouble and I broke it up.
A boy has never wept nor dashed a thousand kim.

Please crack down on the Chinaman’s friends
and Hitler’s commander. I am sure and I am going up
and I am going to give you honey if I can.

I am half crazy. They won’t let me get up.
They dyed my shoes. Open those shoes.
Give me something. I am so sick.

I will settle the indictment. Come on,
open the soap duckets. The chimney sweeps.
Talk to the sword. Shut up, you got a big mouth!

Please help me up, Henry. Max, come over
here. French-Canadian bean soup.
I want to pay. Let them leave me alone.

These are the last words of New York gangster Dutch Shultz, delivered as he lay dying from a gunshot wound, according to Futility Closet. I removed only one phrase and clipped one other to uphold the form. The last two stanzas are his final words. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Like-minded thoughts

It is clear we share like-minded thoughts
around the opportunity to help
build the right platform in which to further
the dynamic growth of the Acme brand.

We look forward to building on
the discussion around integrating
the new branding into all the digital
elements of the brand, from the main site,
members area and social network spaces.

Excerpt from an email sent by a design company with whom my company is working. Mutual client name changed of course. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.